So.... I've not been very successful so far. I don't want to say that I have failed because that implies that I have given up and quit. I refuse to quit. But I think I do need to get some thoughts out to move past them and get back on track. Stress has derailed me this last week, BIG time.
I've been struggling with this year's group of students. They are rude and entitled. Disclaimer: not all of them... but the ones who are stand out most in my mind right now.
Usually I am really good at building relationships with students and can gain an understanding with them that helps. This year they are so full of themselves they don't realize that I'm even in the room at times. Literally stood in the front one day for about 10 minutes before half of them turned around in my one class period.
First it wasn't just me. The other teachers who have taught way longer than I have were also struggling. Now though, it seems like it is just me. I don't know if I ended up with the right combination or what, but I feel like I have to drag myself to school lately. It used to be that I would miss kids and couldn't wait to see them after long weekends but now I somewhat dread going to school. Because the other teachers don't seem to struggle as much with the students and when I bring up my issues with students during our meetings with the admin and counseling staff, I feel like I'm a horrible teacher. Like, what am I doing in this profession?! And I have to say, that feeling KILLS me inside because I love teaching and I still see it when I tutor on the side.
To add on to that, last week was the deadline for the first giant project students had to finish completing. This meant 3 days of unstructured time with students in my room trashing the place. The last day is more chaos adding the fact that painting happens in my room and we have to rotate groups in and out to make room. But, let's start with Tuesday when the week quickly went downhill. Mind you, this is after Monday's lesson was a huge flop and what I thought would be a fun learning experience was pretty much me fighting to work on transitions with every class. It did get better by the end of the day.
I have a student assigned to my room who really struggles with a negative self-image. It comes from his father always putting him down. Probably doesn't help that his dad has also been physically abusive, not just verbally. But, I've built a relationship with this kid and once you get him past his tantrum (because yes, 8th graders still throw tantrums) he will work for me and I see his mood improve. So he was assigned to be in my room with his group and that also keeps him away from others that seem to be a distraction for him. Well, Tuesday I was helping all 140 kids and he decided he was going to be Mr. Negativity. His group was gone and he was the only one there and poor pitiful him didn't know what to do. I called to have the counselor help me out but rushed that call after he was "joking" about cutting himself on purpose. Everything was fine. She left. Kid goes back to displaying some disturbing behavior. The day ended with me trying to call Mom but couldn't get ahold of her and so instead I reported him for a welfare check. Pretty much stressed about this child and cried to my husband all evening.
Wednesday starts and we were told a report was filed but they weren't going to pull him to talk about it until later in the day so he could work with his group. Another incident happened in my room but then everything was fine. Yet another incident just before lunch and I emailed the office letting them know I would need a sub if he was expected to return to my room. One of my teammates went to talk to them too after I started my lunch off by crying in frustration. I felt like I was SCREAMING for this kid to get help and I was the only one seeing anything or even believing he needed help. They agreed to keep him and give him an alternative assignment. He would not be back in my room.
Friday I am finally told that there was a meeting with Mom and yeah, he had texted a few people about hurting himself and nobody had reported it. (Probably because he is always talking down about himself so it isn't really a new behavior.) They called to get him help though. We didn't have students on Friday but he was back in my room yesterday like nothing happened.
Thursday night was spent showing off the student projects to parents, out with the team for dinner after, and then hanging with my friend crying about how nothing was happening to help this kid. Friday I was EXHAUSTED. I ended my evening with watching a sad movie and just crying. Sometimes you just need a good cry and after the week I had, I CRIED.
Also, it should be noted I may have been stress eating candy and such all week too and not able to get myself out of bed to get to the gym. I did do some yoga and meditation on Tuesday morning though.
So, Saturday I woke up feeling like death. I think I went back to sleep until 10am (I'm usually an early riser) and then forced myself to the couch. I grabbed some chicken broth, water, Emergen-C, and Lemon Tea to keep with me along with tissues, vicks, and advil. I pretty much stayed there all day into the evening. All my plans to get caught up on grading and ahead on lesson planning FAILED. I couldn't think and instead watched Holiday movies all day. Sunday I was better and taking sinus meds but we had a car trip planned with the in-laws so I tried to sleep most of the day. Oh, and started my period!! Woot!! That's always a blast.
Yesterday went better but I didn't want to push myself and go to the gym. I need to get better first. Today I was wide awake at 2 am (because I also haven't been sleeping since getting sick...) and laid there for awhile. It was killing me to feel horrible about not working out last week and physically feel horrible from the illness I caught (and probably showing because of the emotional stress last week) and because of my eating. Chicken noodle soup was the only thing that really sounded good to eat but the gluten in the noodles isn't fun. So, I looked up some workout plans.
The gym I was going to has an app and I was looking at their workouts to modify and do at the "globo" gym I now go to but apparently they shut down my account. Probably because I don't pay or attend regularly anymore. :( So I think I have a plan and need to include some running in there too. I have a marathon relay in May that I should probably start training for and I just feel so out of shape. I want to feel stronger again but I know that means I have to work at it.
Today is the day to turn it around. It feels like I say this a lot but I feel like I only fail when I stop trying so I'm going to try again. It is a new trimester at school so students are mixed up in classes. I stacked all the issues I have into one class period (they are super excited to have all their friends in there) and it could either be my favorite class ever or they'll learn what it is like to have a lame, super structured class. But, I don't end my day with it! I'm feeling better and did yoga this morning (although child's pose really doesn't help the sinuses...) and minus some gas and bloating I'm ready to be more focused. Tonight I'm tutoring. And maybe, if there is time, I'll make a new sticker for my water bottle but I'm for sure changing the wallpaper on my phone. The subliminal message before seemed to help.
Here's to 20%
Tuesday, November 6, 2018
Thursday, October 18, 2018
The Scale Lies!!!
no, really, it does. My bathroom scale is usually within half a pound or so of the one at the gym. Today (and probably yesterday too) not so much...
First, this week has been rough. Monday was chaos at school and then Tuesday I made it to the gym and just had a blah day. I also gave in and ate a lot of candy. That may have been stress eating because of stuff that happened at school. We do classroom meetings on Mondays which is part of Restorative Justice Circles or one of the other many names they are given. Only because of chaos that was Monday our kids didn’t get their meeting time and instead had to clean up our rooms they made huge messes in. This led to us being told that we have to make up the time and shouldn’t plan our days like that again to avoid this in the future. Umm... wasn’t on purpose.
Then, I also get an email forwarded from the principal so I can “see the kudos” from a parent. Only it was also sent to our instructional coach and mentions how horrible my 6th period is and the parent was wanting to know what support I was getting to help with that. I think the parent did mean it in a good way and a “she is so awesome we want to help her keep being awesome” way but when your principal attaches the one who is supposed to help struggling teachers it feels like he isn’t thinking I can do my job.
Great way to feel.
So of course I’m worked up by the blame of skipping classroom meetings and the email when my team starts talking about it and yeah, we are not fans of these meetings. I loved the idea. It is who I am. I love getting to know kids and interacting with them without curriculum. But these kids just don’t buy in and make it the most painful 25 minutes of my week! Actually, it feels like it breaks down my relationships instead of building them. I build the relationships a lot through question time as a time filler in class. We alternate and I ask kids questions and they ask me. I will answer anything they ask but cannot guarantee they will like the answer. (Some personal questions I’m really vague about.) as a matter of fact I found out just that day that a student had spent the last 4 days in the hospital... same kid who has had some depression issues.
Meetings don’t work but nobody wants to hear it and we are in trouble for skipping them on accident. Kid makes me worry a LOT about him. And I feel like others think I can’t do my job. I ate a bit of candy. It was stress.
Wednesday I was shocked to see that I had lost another couple pounds and was down to 163. Thought that was weird for all the candy/sugar I ate... Today, Thursday, checked and weighed the same. Sweet! Till I went to the gym and weighed myself there to find I’m still at 165. That seems more like the way I feel.
Maybe I should replace the batteries that came with it 6 years ago?
First, this week has been rough. Monday was chaos at school and then Tuesday I made it to the gym and just had a blah day. I also gave in and ate a lot of candy. That may have been stress eating because of stuff that happened at school. We do classroom meetings on Mondays which is part of Restorative Justice Circles or one of the other many names they are given. Only because of chaos that was Monday our kids didn’t get their meeting time and instead had to clean up our rooms they made huge messes in. This led to us being told that we have to make up the time and shouldn’t plan our days like that again to avoid this in the future. Umm... wasn’t on purpose.
Then, I also get an email forwarded from the principal so I can “see the kudos” from a parent. Only it was also sent to our instructional coach and mentions how horrible my 6th period is and the parent was wanting to know what support I was getting to help with that. I think the parent did mean it in a good way and a “she is so awesome we want to help her keep being awesome” way but when your principal attaches the one who is supposed to help struggling teachers it feels like he isn’t thinking I can do my job.
Great way to feel.
So of course I’m worked up by the blame of skipping classroom meetings and the email when my team starts talking about it and yeah, we are not fans of these meetings. I loved the idea. It is who I am. I love getting to know kids and interacting with them without curriculum. But these kids just don’t buy in and make it the most painful 25 minutes of my week! Actually, it feels like it breaks down my relationships instead of building them. I build the relationships a lot through question time as a time filler in class. We alternate and I ask kids questions and they ask me. I will answer anything they ask but cannot guarantee they will like the answer. (Some personal questions I’m really vague about.) as a matter of fact I found out just that day that a student had spent the last 4 days in the hospital... same kid who has had some depression issues.
Meetings don’t work but nobody wants to hear it and we are in trouble for skipping them on accident. Kid makes me worry a LOT about him. And I feel like others think I can’t do my job. I ate a bit of candy. It was stress.
Wednesday I was shocked to see that I had lost another couple pounds and was down to 163. Thought that was weird for all the candy/sugar I ate... Today, Thursday, checked and weighed the same. Sweet! Till I went to the gym and weighed myself there to find I’m still at 165. That seems more like the way I feel.
Maybe I should replace the batteries that came with it 6 years ago?
Tuesday, October 9, 2018
Progress Report
So I did alright last week going to the gym. I think I took Thursday off and took it easy on Tuesday. (And Friday because all the lifting stations were full!) I managed to drop a few pounds and even though the scale said I weighed less, it also said I increased my body fat percentage? That was weird so I’m throwing out that data point. It really could have been a fault with the scale thing and besides I wasn’t fast enough to snap a photo so it didn’t happen... right?
This weekend we went to the in-laws and my MIL made me gluten free brownies! A whole 8x8 pan just for me. I wasn’t going to have any but felt bad and gave into peer pressure. I ate two. The rest were sent home with me and went straight in the freezer. Someday they may come out but not now because I have a goal!
After the weekend I was back up to the weight I started this goal at. Stupid body. And I can say that because in the next 24 hours my body was able to tidbit itself of whatever it didn’t like and I was back to where I was weight wise Friday morning. Getting fit really is all about knowing your body.
So far this week I did a brief but difficult workout yesterday, started my period today, and allowed myself to sleep in. We have Parent/Teacher Conferences the next two nights so I won’t be home until after 10pm and my parents are here. Sometimes you just need the sleep to protect your sanity.
This weekend we went to the in-laws and my MIL made me gluten free brownies! A whole 8x8 pan just for me. I wasn’t going to have any but felt bad and gave into peer pressure. I ate two. The rest were sent home with me and went straight in the freezer. Someday they may come out but not now because I have a goal!
After the weekend I was back up to the weight I started this goal at. Stupid body. And I can say that because in the next 24 hours my body was able to tidbit itself of whatever it didn’t like and I was back to where I was weight wise Friday morning. Getting fit really is all about knowing your body.
So far this week I did a brief but difficult workout yesterday, started my period today, and allowed myself to sleep in. We have Parent/Teacher Conferences the next two nights so I won’t be home until after 10pm and my parents are here. Sometimes you just need the sleep to protect your sanity.
Tuesday, October 2, 2018
Mind Blowing Realization
While in the shower at the gym today I was brainstorming about that article (which may be more of a blog post, I don’t remember) which I want to write about when my thoughts led down an interesting path and has made me rethink my goals. (Sticking with the 20% though!)
While lathering up I was thinking about if I ever considered myself ‘fat’ and what my eating habits were like my freshmen year in high school when’s I went from 150 to 125 in three months. Me at 125 was a little scrawny but I had muscles. Before you panic and wonder why I dropped 25 pounds in three months, let me explain.
I would have been around the age of 14 and was weighing in around 150 and 5’4”. I was chunky but not ‘fat’ in my mind. My family however made me feel fatter than I was but still bought Totino’s pizzas and pizza rolls and curly fries and other junk so that’s all we really had to make ourselves for dinner. (Us being my sister and I who was still at home.) The oldest sister was skinny and somehow the middle sister and I were made to feel compared to her all the time. (Still are in many ways but Mon can’t really say she is winning the most fit part of the comparison anymore.)
Summer before freshmen year started and I joined the color guard. I went off to camp and by the time school was in full swing I was down to 125! I had practice every day after school in the heat and humidity. I was the only child at home and began to beg for healthier food options because I was tired of the same thing all the time. Healthier food became meat and cheese sandwiches and me cooking dinner like hamburger helper and such. Still not “healthy” but more variety than the past. I was just busier and not sitting at home eating all the time.
I should add that I don’t really blame my parents for the food we were raised on. They did what they could, made what they were used to, and that’s just life. We ate a lot of Shake-n-Bake chicken as a kid after mom went on a ban against fried food. (We never made homemade fried chicken anyway...) Bacon was only for BLT’s and that was like twice a year. Money was also tight so we had what was affordable.
Sophomore year I had still kept the weight off and I remember borrowing a size 3 dress to wear to homecoming. It did have a lace up back so I could get in and out of it but it was still a size THREE! Slowly, over time, mostly senior year, I gained weight and looking back attribute it a lot to stress. Life of a teen compounded by my loving mother and being the only child left at home made up a lot of the stress. When I went to Hawaii on a band trip just after graduation I was not comfortable with my weight. I had spent time at the gym with a friend for months trying to get into shape but didn’t have a clue what we were doing. I felt fat for the first time. Doesn’t help when you show your dad a group photo when you get back and he can’t spot you.... in the center... very clearly... and responds with “I didn’t realize you had gained that much weight.” Yeah.
Reflecting on it this morning my thought went something like: I managed to go from 125/130ish all the way to 160ish pounds and I felt so fat and gross. (I do understand that 160 is not fat and am not judging. Promise.)Then it hit me...
I am happy to be approaching 165 this morning and couldn’t have been more proud! Holy Shit! My old ‘fat’ weight has become my new skinny weight. The lowest I think I would look ok at is 150 but it would be lucky for me to get there. Even looking back at that photo not much is different about me.
WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?! So, I’m still aiming for 20% body fat but no longer am I afraid of losing 30 pounds. Again, I don’t plan on losing all of it but turning some of it to muscle. But, no longer am I going to be ok with thinking I’m where I should be and the charts lie when I’m at the same weight ish I was when I thought I was ‘fat.’
Changing the mindset.
Was going to attach photos but they don’t want to upload easily from my phone. I’ll try later.
While lathering up I was thinking about if I ever considered myself ‘fat’ and what my eating habits were like my freshmen year in high school when’s I went from 150 to 125 in three months. Me at 125 was a little scrawny but I had muscles. Before you panic and wonder why I dropped 25 pounds in three months, let me explain.
I would have been around the age of 14 and was weighing in around 150 and 5’4”. I was chunky but not ‘fat’ in my mind. My family however made me feel fatter than I was but still bought Totino’s pizzas and pizza rolls and curly fries and other junk so that’s all we really had to make ourselves for dinner. (Us being my sister and I who was still at home.) The oldest sister was skinny and somehow the middle sister and I were made to feel compared to her all the time. (Still are in many ways but Mon can’t really say she is winning the most fit part of the comparison anymore.)
Summer before freshmen year started and I joined the color guard. I went off to camp and by the time school was in full swing I was down to 125! I had practice every day after school in the heat and humidity. I was the only child at home and began to beg for healthier food options because I was tired of the same thing all the time. Healthier food became meat and cheese sandwiches and me cooking dinner like hamburger helper and such. Still not “healthy” but more variety than the past. I was just busier and not sitting at home eating all the time.
I should add that I don’t really blame my parents for the food we were raised on. They did what they could, made what they were used to, and that’s just life. We ate a lot of Shake-n-Bake chicken as a kid after mom went on a ban against fried food. (We never made homemade fried chicken anyway...) Bacon was only for BLT’s and that was like twice a year. Money was also tight so we had what was affordable.
Sophomore year I had still kept the weight off and I remember borrowing a size 3 dress to wear to homecoming. It did have a lace up back so I could get in and out of it but it was still a size THREE! Slowly, over time, mostly senior year, I gained weight and looking back attribute it a lot to stress. Life of a teen compounded by my loving mother and being the only child left at home made up a lot of the stress. When I went to Hawaii on a band trip just after graduation I was not comfortable with my weight. I had spent time at the gym with a friend for months trying to get into shape but didn’t have a clue what we were doing. I felt fat for the first time. Doesn’t help when you show your dad a group photo when you get back and he can’t spot you.... in the center... very clearly... and responds with “I didn’t realize you had gained that much weight.” Yeah.
Reflecting on it this morning my thought went something like: I managed to go from 125/130ish all the way to 160ish pounds and I felt so fat and gross. (I do understand that 160 is not fat and am not judging. Promise.)Then it hit me...
I am happy to be approaching 165 this morning and couldn’t have been more proud! Holy Shit! My old ‘fat’ weight has become my new skinny weight. The lowest I think I would look ok at is 150 but it would be lucky for me to get there. Even looking back at that photo not much is different about me.
WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?! So, I’m still aiming for 20% body fat but no longer am I afraid of losing 30 pounds. Again, I don’t plan on losing all of it but turning some of it to muscle. But, no longer am I going to be ok with thinking I’m where I should be and the charts lie when I’m at the same weight ish I was when I thought I was ‘fat.’
Changing the mindset.
Was going to attach photos but they don’t want to upload easily from my phone. I’ll try later.
Monday, October 1, 2018
Let’s Try This Again
Ironically I’m back on public transit, on my phone and posting this. Just looked back at the last post and some themes seem odd exist...
First, I am rocking day 4 of no processed sugars. I have a new goal, but more on that in a minute, and it has given me something to strive for. And I REALLY want to meet that goal!
Second, I was thinking this morning about how I may be rocking it this time because I’m not on my period or starting my period. If I can get in the habit BEFORE all the massive cravings happen that should help. Posted about that in the last post too!
So, this new goal you ask? Ok. I want to get to 20% body fat. 15% is dangerous for women and 18% can start to have negative effects for some. I figure 20% should be alright and is already a lofty goal. Not impossible, just going to need to work for it. And so far I am and am staying motivated!
What started this? Well, I read an article someone shared on twitter and want to post about that, but that’s another day. Part of it talks about overweight people knowing what to do but not doing it. I don’t see myself as overweight but my BMI says I am and studies somewhere have to link that to health issues. So I figured it is time to buckle down again and just do it!
This morning I woke up and went to check the time but my phone wouldn’t light up. It was 3:46am. I had set an alarm for 3:45 but the phone wouldn’t turn on so... no snooze for me! I got up and went to the gym. Did my workout and off to work I went. But I am stopping on my way home for an alarm clock; the phone is beyond trust. (Factory reset seems to have fixed errors but I’m not going to trust it.)
Currently I am at 36% body fat and 167ish lbs. I did some math and if I just lose fat I will need to lose just under 30 pounds. That’s a little intimidating and puts me at a REALLY low weight. I’m not sure I’d look healthy at that weight so the plan isn’t to replace some of that fat with muscle. This will be achieved by weights/CrossFit style workouts 3 days a week. After a month to adjust to that November will begin three day weights/workouts with 2 days of cardio. I signed up for the marathon relay again and want to get into better shape for it. Once life calms down I’d like to start doing more 5k’s again too. So cardio needs to be worked in.
Other than that I’m going for a more strict Paleo style diet and seeing how it goes. So far, not bad. I did eat BBQ sauce yesterday though that I know had sugars in it... but I did limit the amount! I also discovered my afternoon headaches are probably caused by my lack of salt so salted nuts are now in my drawer to snack on. They aren’t my favorite but I will gladly take them over headaches any day.
So, hopefully this time I can stick with the updates and actually have things to update on. We shall see.
Happy Monday!
First, I am rocking day 4 of no processed sugars. I have a new goal, but more on that in a minute, and it has given me something to strive for. And I REALLY want to meet that goal!
Second, I was thinking this morning about how I may be rocking it this time because I’m not on my period or starting my period. If I can get in the habit BEFORE all the massive cravings happen that should help. Posted about that in the last post too!
So, this new goal you ask? Ok. I want to get to 20% body fat. 15% is dangerous for women and 18% can start to have negative effects for some. I figure 20% should be alright and is already a lofty goal. Not impossible, just going to need to work for it. And so far I am and am staying motivated!
What started this? Well, I read an article someone shared on twitter and want to post about that, but that’s another day. Part of it talks about overweight people knowing what to do but not doing it. I don’t see myself as overweight but my BMI says I am and studies somewhere have to link that to health issues. So I figured it is time to buckle down again and just do it!
This morning I woke up and went to check the time but my phone wouldn’t light up. It was 3:46am. I had set an alarm for 3:45 but the phone wouldn’t turn on so... no snooze for me! I got up and went to the gym. Did my workout and off to work I went. But I am stopping on my way home for an alarm clock; the phone is beyond trust. (Factory reset seems to have fixed errors but I’m not going to trust it.)
Currently I am at 36% body fat and 167ish lbs. I did some math and if I just lose fat I will need to lose just under 30 pounds. That’s a little intimidating and puts me at a REALLY low weight. I’m not sure I’d look healthy at that weight so the plan isn’t to replace some of that fat with muscle. This will be achieved by weights/CrossFit style workouts 3 days a week. After a month to adjust to that November will begin three day weights/workouts with 2 days of cardio. I signed up for the marathon relay again and want to get into better shape for it. Once life calms down I’d like to start doing more 5k’s again too. So cardio needs to be worked in.
Other than that I’m going for a more strict Paleo style diet and seeing how it goes. So far, not bad. I did eat BBQ sauce yesterday though that I know had sugars in it... but I did limit the amount! I also discovered my afternoon headaches are probably caused by my lack of salt so salted nuts are now in my drawer to snack on. They aren’t my favorite but I will gladly take them over headaches any day.
So, hopefully this time I can stick with the updates and actually have things to update on. We shall see.
Happy Monday!
Monday, April 9, 2018
Let it Begin!
Posted on public transit on a cell phone... please forgive the errors and typos.
Day 1.
Last week was prep... failed prep... Sometimes it sucks being a girl and I have to say that if you’re going to cut out sugar and deal with the cravings and side effects do NOT choose the week you start your period to begin this change. Also, avoid the week where weather ruins your field trip plans forcing you to reschedule and shuffle all your lessons for two weeks. Especially don’t choose the week where those two are combined. But now I know what I need to help me out so today is Day 1!
No processed sugar. (Except the dark chocolate chips in my trail mix snacks this week.) and workout at least 3 days a week. Ideally include walking or 30 min elliptical or something on the off days. I did the exercise thing last week with success so that seems easier this week. Even went twice in one day! Although the second time was to coach the hubby on how to do stuff.
He wanted to learn how to do some lifts so I said I would teach him a few. I always thought he was strong and although he has endurance (runs and swims distances with ease) he isn’t as strong as I thought. Plus uses the weight machines a lot so he doesn’t have all the fine muscles needed for support as much. I also thought he knew more than he does (or he just wants to learn into the way I teach it?) but oh well. I taught him hang cleans last week. Took a bit but he was getting the hang of them. (No pun intended) Then he did the workout I did in the morning and had to go down in weight (from 20’s to 15’s) and laid on the mat for a bit after. He also finished it in half the time I took! [21-15-9 burpees, dumbbell front squats, push presses) He was still sore last night.
The other day I was discussing cleans with a friend who said “I don’t really see the point of them.” That got me thinking about them and what the purpose was if you always use a weight rack. They build up your traps nicely but otherwise they don’t have a point... until this morning. On the to do list was find the one rep max for a clean and jerk and although I didn’t go for the max but more just practice (55# was tough for multiple sets) I remembered they do have a purpose!
Dude, if you do the entire clean and jerk sequence it is WAY more than just lifting is going to get you. First, the WHOLE clean itself, including the squat, works practically EVERY muscle in your body. In ONE move! I think to work the same muscles I’d have to do some rows, deadlifts, AND squats. Do you know how long that takes?! I don’t have that kind of time and prefer to be efficient in the time I do have. Then to add a jerk part too? Yeah, I think I’ll stick with cleans when they are called for.
Also, speaking of efficiency... was reading up on HIIT workouts and how you get so much more out of them because you max your system out almost immediately. I have to say that breaking a sweat enough to need a towel while you’re just lifting seems weird when everyone around you looks perfectly dry. And... when I’m laying on my mat after my 10 min workout and it is gross with sweat, I think about how every time something gets hard for those around me they stop and take a rest. THAT used to be me. That is what wasn’t working for me. Maybe it works for them, that’s cool, but for me, I have to kick my own butt and sweat like a pig till I can’t move to get results. Or at least results in a time frame I would like, not waiting for months to see anything. I always felt like I did more in under 20 min with Crossfit than most do in their whole workout and after watching others at the normal “globo” gym, I think that’s pretty accurate.
Day 1.
Last week was prep... failed prep... Sometimes it sucks being a girl and I have to say that if you’re going to cut out sugar and deal with the cravings and side effects do NOT choose the week you start your period to begin this change. Also, avoid the week where weather ruins your field trip plans forcing you to reschedule and shuffle all your lessons for two weeks. Especially don’t choose the week where those two are combined. But now I know what I need to help me out so today is Day 1!
No processed sugar. (Except the dark chocolate chips in my trail mix snacks this week.) and workout at least 3 days a week. Ideally include walking or 30 min elliptical or something on the off days. I did the exercise thing last week with success so that seems easier this week. Even went twice in one day! Although the second time was to coach the hubby on how to do stuff.
He wanted to learn how to do some lifts so I said I would teach him a few. I always thought he was strong and although he has endurance (runs and swims distances with ease) he isn’t as strong as I thought. Plus uses the weight machines a lot so he doesn’t have all the fine muscles needed for support as much. I also thought he knew more than he does (or he just wants to learn into the way I teach it?) but oh well. I taught him hang cleans last week. Took a bit but he was getting the hang of them. (No pun intended) Then he did the workout I did in the morning and had to go down in weight (from 20’s to 15’s) and laid on the mat for a bit after. He also finished it in half the time I took! [21-15-9 burpees, dumbbell front squats, push presses) He was still sore last night.
The other day I was discussing cleans with a friend who said “I don’t really see the point of them.” That got me thinking about them and what the purpose was if you always use a weight rack. They build up your traps nicely but otherwise they don’t have a point... until this morning. On the to do list was find the one rep max for a clean and jerk and although I didn’t go for the max but more just practice (55# was tough for multiple sets) I remembered they do have a purpose!
Dude, if you do the entire clean and jerk sequence it is WAY more than just lifting is going to get you. First, the WHOLE clean itself, including the squat, works practically EVERY muscle in your body. In ONE move! I think to work the same muscles I’d have to do some rows, deadlifts, AND squats. Do you know how long that takes?! I don’t have that kind of time and prefer to be efficient in the time I do have. Then to add a jerk part too? Yeah, I think I’ll stick with cleans when they are called for.
Also, speaking of efficiency... was reading up on HIIT workouts and how you get so much more out of them because you max your system out almost immediately. I have to say that breaking a sweat enough to need a towel while you’re just lifting seems weird when everyone around you looks perfectly dry. And... when I’m laying on my mat after my 10 min workout and it is gross with sweat, I think about how every time something gets hard for those around me they stop and take a rest. THAT used to be me. That is what wasn’t working for me. Maybe it works for them, that’s cool, but for me, I have to kick my own butt and sweat like a pig till I can’t move to get results. Or at least results in a time frame I would like, not waiting for months to see anything. I always felt like I did more in under 20 min with Crossfit than most do in their whole workout and after watching others at the normal “globo” gym, I think that’s pretty accurate.
Monday, April 2, 2018
I needed that!
Oh man did I need that break!
Spring Break as a week spent puppy sitting, gardening, enjoying the sun and warmth, enjoying the snow, (it is Colorado...) enjoying the grill, food prepping breakfasts (made 11 doz? egg muffins of different sorts), baking all sorts of rye bread experiments, and quality time in pj’s watching nothing on tv! It was a vacation well spent doing as little as possible and that’s what I needed.
Today I started April off to a good start. I decided for now and the next 7 1/2 weeks (I mean who is really keeping track that I only have 36 more student contact days left?! Lol) to set weekly goals and if I accomplish them I earn a star for the day. Not sure what I want to bribe myself with just yet but just giving yourself a star is sometimes enough to drive you!
This week’s stars are earned by 1) limiting myself to one sweet snack a day, 2) getting at least 30 min of dedicated exercise time, and 3) meeting my 8,000 step goal. Seems like 2&3 should go together and that’s ok. Eventually I’ll probably up the steps to 10,000 but for now 8,000 is a good goal.
Today I got my butt out of bed and rolled into the gym locker room at 4:45 in the morning! Going to try to do it again tomorrow to do some treadmill or elliptical for “active recovery” since I also read a few books about exercising and HIIT in particular over break. (Not sure when I became a super reader but I can FLY through books if I’m interested.) Then rose the transit to school. After that I went to do the SAT Prep course and now am on my way home. I should get there about 9:00pm. Sixteen hour day isn’t too bad... one more tomorrow then the prep course is done for the year!
I didn’t get to the gym as much as I wanted to over break but I’m starting these last couple months of school with a good attitude. I can do this! I just need to master the diet and exercise making it a priority and my mood should stay better making everything better. I like being a positive person and I hate it when I backslide into feeling so down.
Spring Break as a week spent puppy sitting, gardening, enjoying the sun and warmth, enjoying the snow, (it is Colorado...) enjoying the grill, food prepping breakfasts (made 11 doz? egg muffins of different sorts), baking all sorts of rye bread experiments, and quality time in pj’s watching nothing on tv! It was a vacation well spent doing as little as possible and that’s what I needed.
Today I started April off to a good start. I decided for now and the next 7 1/2 weeks (I mean who is really keeping track that I only have 36 more student contact days left?! Lol) to set weekly goals and if I accomplish them I earn a star for the day. Not sure what I want to bribe myself with just yet but just giving yourself a star is sometimes enough to drive you!
This week’s stars are earned by 1) limiting myself to one sweet snack a day, 2) getting at least 30 min of dedicated exercise time, and 3) meeting my 8,000 step goal. Seems like 2&3 should go together and that’s ok. Eventually I’ll probably up the steps to 10,000 but for now 8,000 is a good goal.
Today I got my butt out of bed and rolled into the gym locker room at 4:45 in the morning! Going to try to do it again tomorrow to do some treadmill or elliptical for “active recovery” since I also read a few books about exercising and HIIT in particular over break. (Not sure when I became a super reader but I can FLY through books if I’m interested.) Then rose the transit to school. After that I went to do the SAT Prep course and now am on my way home. I should get there about 9:00pm. Sixteen hour day isn’t too bad... one more tomorrow then the prep course is done for the year!
I didn’t get to the gym as much as I wanted to over break but I’m starting these last couple months of school with a good attitude. I can do this! I just need to master the diet and exercise making it a priority and my mood should stay better making everything better. I like being a positive person and I hate it when I backslide into feeling so down.
Tuesday, March 13, 2018
Today was somewhat better than yesterday
I need to get back to my better than yesterday campaign.
Yesterday sucked. It was one of those days where you just want to curl up into a ball and cry. Only that’s hard to do when you’re stuck on a bus in traffic, your ride has to leave you to get to school, you have to take a bus and then walk over a half mile to arrive to school 15 min late. Good thing they gave first period plan to the other team this year! So that all pretty much set the tone for me feeling horrible and like a burden on everyone.
Today was better. I drove myself to school and had an hour extra in peace to lesson plan up until spring break. That helps put my mind at ease a little more. Students were working too so I was able to get some other things prepped throughout the day. Then worked the SAT prep course again tonight and now it is a long ride back home.
I wanted to get to the gym but that isn’t going to happen. Maybe tomorrow? Except we have stuff to do. Thursday? Oh, wait... on the interview committee till probably 6. Friday? I’ll be stuck in traffic and after a long Thursday I won’t feel like it. I’ll try again next week...
Today I did manage to avoid sugar! Trying to get that going again. May have ate a lot yesterday to try and eat my feelings and then had a big cup of hot chocolate. Today was just some jerky that has sugar in it and some chai tea sweetened with maple syrup. If I can’t do the gym thing then at least I can do the diet part right?
I know I just need to get out of this funk and diet typically helps. That’s the one thing right now I can do something about. One step at a time. Don’t have to be perfect, just better than yesterday.
*types without proofing on the bus and on my cell phone... deal.
Yesterday sucked. It was one of those days where you just want to curl up into a ball and cry. Only that’s hard to do when you’re stuck on a bus in traffic, your ride has to leave you to get to school, you have to take a bus and then walk over a half mile to arrive to school 15 min late. Good thing they gave first period plan to the other team this year! So that all pretty much set the tone for me feeling horrible and like a burden on everyone.
Today was better. I drove myself to school and had an hour extra in peace to lesson plan up until spring break. That helps put my mind at ease a little more. Students were working too so I was able to get some other things prepped throughout the day. Then worked the SAT prep course again tonight and now it is a long ride back home.
I wanted to get to the gym but that isn’t going to happen. Maybe tomorrow? Except we have stuff to do. Thursday? Oh, wait... on the interview committee till probably 6. Friday? I’ll be stuck in traffic and after a long Thursday I won’t feel like it. I’ll try again next week...
Today I did manage to avoid sugar! Trying to get that going again. May have ate a lot yesterday to try and eat my feelings and then had a big cup of hot chocolate. Today was just some jerky that has sugar in it and some chai tea sweetened with maple syrup. If I can’t do the gym thing then at least I can do the diet part right?
I know I just need to get out of this funk and diet typically helps. That’s the one thing right now I can do something about. One step at a time. Don’t have to be perfect, just better than yesterday.
*types without proofing on the bus and on my cell phone... deal.
Monday, March 12, 2018
A lot on my mind and plate...
So married life is going and is CRAZY busy.
Teaching life is going and is CRAZY busy.
I'm not sure what other life I have right now... or any life in general...
Since September I have been commuting over an hour to work and then back again at the end of the day. Instead of driving I opted for taking a bus to Union Station and then a train to the station nearest school. Usually I just leave my car there during the week so I can drive all over. This means the hubby has to wake up and get me to the bus stop by 6am and pick me up in the evenings. The original idea was that he would drop me off and then go to the gym for a bit so he wouldn't have to go all the way back home. Then when he gets done at work he can just swing by and get me. Let's just say it only works on an ideal scheduled day and my days are not all ideally scheduled.
Work is chaos as any day with 8th graders can be. I also think a lot of it has to do with my lack of caring right now. I just don't have my whole heart in it right now. This seems to be common every year around this time. It is a long haul after testing is done spring break! Testing starts next week and spring break is right after.... just need a break!
I haven't had a chance to get to the gym lately. I haven't been eating the best. I have a poor attitude because of both. The poor attitude makes me want to stress eat more and avoid exercise. This is a vicious cycle and I need to snap out of it! I have so many things I want to do and am excited about yet things just keep getting in the way and filling my time.
Speaking of filling my time... back to the SAT prep course I'm helping to teach so I can get out of here and on the train at a decent time. Thought I'd give an update and let the whole world (of one or two readers) know what is going on and why I am thinking of taking up blogging again but it might come in short, choppy, thoughts of posts.
Teaching life is going and is CRAZY busy.
I'm not sure what other life I have right now... or any life in general...
Since September I have been commuting over an hour to work and then back again at the end of the day. Instead of driving I opted for taking a bus to Union Station and then a train to the station nearest school. Usually I just leave my car there during the week so I can drive all over. This means the hubby has to wake up and get me to the bus stop by 6am and pick me up in the evenings. The original idea was that he would drop me off and then go to the gym for a bit so he wouldn't have to go all the way back home. Then when he gets done at work he can just swing by and get me. Let's just say it only works on an ideal scheduled day and my days are not all ideally scheduled.
Work is chaos as any day with 8th graders can be. I also think a lot of it has to do with my lack of caring right now. I just don't have my whole heart in it right now. This seems to be common every year around this time. It is a long haul after testing is done spring break! Testing starts next week and spring break is right after.... just need a break!
I haven't had a chance to get to the gym lately. I haven't been eating the best. I have a poor attitude because of both. The poor attitude makes me want to stress eat more and avoid exercise. This is a vicious cycle and I need to snap out of it! I have so many things I want to do and am excited about yet things just keep getting in the way and filling my time.
Speaking of filling my time... back to the SAT prep course I'm helping to teach so I can get out of here and on the train at a decent time. Thought I'd give an update and let the whole world (of one or two readers) know what is going on and why I am thinking of taking up blogging again but it might come in short, choppy, thoughts of posts.
Thursday, May 4, 2017
Things you just shouldn't say. Period.
My mom came to visit.
A long time ago, like 5 years ago, I learned that no matter what I'll never make my mom happy. Mom will always have something to say. She will be disappointed. I will be a horrible daughter some how. I can't control that. I can't control her and how she treats me. What I can control is me, how I treat her, and living far away from her so I don't have to deal with her on a regular basis.
Now, don't get me wrong, I respect my mom. She has done a lot. She has taught me quite a few things in life. There are many good qualities about my mom. I recognize that. I will acknowledge that. But, when we spend time together in close quarters I am reminded of all the things she likes to say.
I have begun to call them Momisms.
Momism from this evening: You're not supposed to work out every day. You're supposed to give your muscles a break.
Yes, true, I worked mostly arms today so my run tomorrow should be fine. Heaven forbid I be in shape and can actually do physical activity daily?
Momism from Monday: You and your fiance are old enough and set in your ways enough that you're going to struggle.
Really? Wow. Thanks for that vote of confidence. We rather seem to like each other, know how to discuss things, and often think a like already. Yeah we know it won't all be sunshine and roses, but we will work through them. I like to think we are older, more mature, and ready to be in a marriage because of this, not doomed.
Momism from last week while taking the dog for her morning walk after my run: (I gotta give you the whole conversation...)
Mom: So when you go to Crossfit is there a coach?
Me: Yep, that's how Crossfit works. There is a coach to help you with all the stuff we do and the workout.
Mom: Oh, well when your sister and her husband go they go for a WHOLE HOUR.
Me: Yep, I go 5:30 to 6:30. That's an hour.
Mom: Well, when they go it is NON-STOP for an hour. They are constantly doing something the WHOLE TIME.
Me: Yep, that's Crossfit.
Cause my Crossfit is so much more inferior to the Crossfit my sister (her fave) hasn't done in almost two years?
Momism from last week, the day after the one just listed and on our walk again: (again, you need the convo)
Me: My butt hurts. We did a lot today at Crossfit so walking is a little difficult this morning.
Mom: (something not so memorable)
Me: I made your sister laugh when we were dress shopping. My sister kept picking dresses that were way too small and your sister was the only one paying attention to me. In one of them I told her that at least my butt looked good and flexed it causing her to laugh. Nobody else saw it.
Mom: Well you look like a sausage in the wedding dress you bought too.
Yep. That's my mom. That's one of those things that nobody should ever say to anyone, ESPECIALLY their daughter. This is the one that takes the cake for this visit! Mind you, this is followed a week later by implying that I workout too much. Which is it? Am I fat or do I workout too much? No mention of the 25 lbs I've lost since the last time I saw her. Nope. This is my mom. Yet I will still respect her. I will still be polite, as much as possible, and cook for her and take care of her while she is here. I will still be concerned for her and try to help her out. But at the end of the day when she says something about how I'm not the greatest of daughters (comments have been made implying this in the past) she won't have any actual evidence. I will NOT give her the evidence of making her feel like she makes me feel with her comments. I cannot control her or her actions, but I can control mine.
Now, most think this would make me feel bad. I've learned not to listen to my mom. It has actually become a joke. I told someone about it and they said if I was a sausage then I must be a turkey sausage. I came back with "cause I'm so lean." So now I have a wedding dress which makes me a "lean turkey sausage."
What does upset me? Well, the fact that I lost my best friend when I pissed her off standing up for myself when I told her I too have issues with my body and don't like it. The ONE person who is ALWAYS supposed to have your back told me that I look like a sausage in my wedding dress. A dress Mom only saw a picture of me in, a dress she told me she didn't even want to see while she is here, and a dress that I LOVE and feel amazing in because I know I look amazing in it.
I know without a doubt I do NOT look like a sausage. Not even remotely. I don't even think I have the weird side boob/fat arm pits in this dress. I know I work hard to be where I am today in my fitness journey and to keep it going. I know that Mom can take her comment about not needing to worry about shrinking out of my clothes because I'm apparently going to get pregnant and gain it all right back and shove it. I'm changing my life for me and my future. I'm not losing weight for the wedding, I'm losing weight because it is healthier for me, helps me feel better, and I just like being active. This is a lifestyle change I'm working on and not a short term fix.
A long time ago, like 5 years ago, I learned that no matter what I'll never make my mom happy. Mom will always have something to say. She will be disappointed. I will be a horrible daughter some how. I can't control that. I can't control her and how she treats me. What I can control is me, how I treat her, and living far away from her so I don't have to deal with her on a regular basis.
Now, don't get me wrong, I respect my mom. She has done a lot. She has taught me quite a few things in life. There are many good qualities about my mom. I recognize that. I will acknowledge that. But, when we spend time together in close quarters I am reminded of all the things she likes to say.
I have begun to call them Momisms.
Momism from this evening: You're not supposed to work out every day. You're supposed to give your muscles a break.
Yes, true, I worked mostly arms today so my run tomorrow should be fine. Heaven forbid I be in shape and can actually do physical activity daily?
Momism from Monday: You and your fiance are old enough and set in your ways enough that you're going to struggle.
Really? Wow. Thanks for that vote of confidence. We rather seem to like each other, know how to discuss things, and often think a like already. Yeah we know it won't all be sunshine and roses, but we will work through them. I like to think we are older, more mature, and ready to be in a marriage because of this, not doomed.
Momism from last week while taking the dog for her morning walk after my run: (I gotta give you the whole conversation...)
Mom: So when you go to Crossfit is there a coach?
Me: Yep, that's how Crossfit works. There is a coach to help you with all the stuff we do and the workout.
Mom: Oh, well when your sister and her husband go they go for a WHOLE HOUR.
Me: Yep, I go 5:30 to 6:30. That's an hour.
Mom: Well, when they go it is NON-STOP for an hour. They are constantly doing something the WHOLE TIME.
Me: Yep, that's Crossfit.
Cause my Crossfit is so much more inferior to the Crossfit my sister (her fave) hasn't done in almost two years?
Momism from last week, the day after the one just listed and on our walk again: (again, you need the convo)
Me: My butt hurts. We did a lot today at Crossfit so walking is a little difficult this morning.
Mom: (something not so memorable)
Me: I made your sister laugh when we were dress shopping. My sister kept picking dresses that were way too small and your sister was the only one paying attention to me. In one of them I told her that at least my butt looked good and flexed it causing her to laugh. Nobody else saw it.
Mom: Well you look like a sausage in the wedding dress you bought too.
Yep. That's my mom. That's one of those things that nobody should ever say to anyone, ESPECIALLY their daughter. This is the one that takes the cake for this visit! Mind you, this is followed a week later by implying that I workout too much. Which is it? Am I fat or do I workout too much? No mention of the 25 lbs I've lost since the last time I saw her. Nope. This is my mom. Yet I will still respect her. I will still be polite, as much as possible, and cook for her and take care of her while she is here. I will still be concerned for her and try to help her out. But at the end of the day when she says something about how I'm not the greatest of daughters (comments have been made implying this in the past) she won't have any actual evidence. I will NOT give her the evidence of making her feel like she makes me feel with her comments. I cannot control her or her actions, but I can control mine.
Now, most think this would make me feel bad. I've learned not to listen to my mom. It has actually become a joke. I told someone about it and they said if I was a sausage then I must be a turkey sausage. I came back with "cause I'm so lean." So now I have a wedding dress which makes me a "lean turkey sausage."
What does upset me? Well, the fact that I lost my best friend when I pissed her off standing up for myself when I told her I too have issues with my body and don't like it. The ONE person who is ALWAYS supposed to have your back told me that I look like a sausage in my wedding dress. A dress Mom only saw a picture of me in, a dress she told me she didn't even want to see while she is here, and a dress that I LOVE and feel amazing in because I know I look amazing in it.
I know without a doubt I do NOT look like a sausage. Not even remotely. I don't even think I have the weird side boob/fat arm pits in this dress. I know I work hard to be where I am today in my fitness journey and to keep it going. I know that Mom can take her comment about not needing to worry about shrinking out of my clothes because I'm apparently going to get pregnant and gain it all right back and shove it. I'm changing my life for me and my future. I'm not losing weight for the wedding, I'm losing weight because it is healthier for me, helps me feel better, and I just like being active. This is a lifestyle change I'm working on and not a short term fix.
Monday, March 20, 2017
The Downside of Losing Weight
So everyone thinks losing weight is all happiness right? I mean you feel better, you look better, you feel you look better, you are happier, you're healthier (for most of us, not always is losing weight healthy). Why should anyone be upset about dropping a few pounds?!
Ask my bank account.
So the food isn't as cheap as all the junk I used to eat. I know. PB&J's are cheaper than actually cooking. Eating the amount of meat I have been in the last few weeks isn't cheap, not to mention trying to eat fruits and veggies too. But, I shop when things are on sale and base my meals around that. I buy in larger amounts when there is a good deal and freeze it. I am trying to make extras of stuff to freeze also. For example: ground beef was on sale last week, so was ground turkey, so I made four pounds worth of meatballs and froze them. Now I have quick weeknight meal when I need one. The fiance's vacuum sealer he received from me for Christmas is getting used, that's for sure.
If it isn't the food then what could it be?!
Clothes.
Remember back this summer when I was avoiding buying clothes at all costs? Remember that "friend" who told me it is dumb to not want to buy clothes that fit? Yeah, that was because I wanted to lose the weight and didn't want to spend the money just to shrink out of the new clothes. I don't have money to just flush down the drain like that.
Well, I broke down and purchased some new jeans and dress pants. A couple shirts were also thrown in. Now? Now I can't fit them. The dress pants fall off of me. The stretch denim capris are baggy. The workout pants are loose and fall off!!! I have a pair of dress pants that I found in the closet that needed to be hemmed. I've worn them once... now TOO BIG. Just this morning I found another pair of jeans I forgot I had purchased because they also needed to be hemmed... I'm sure they don't fit anymore either!
Now what do I do?! I need a third job just to pay for a new wardrobe that fits!
Current plan is to have a yard sale and sell my wardrobe to help pay for a new one. We will see how that goes...
Ask my bank account.
So the food isn't as cheap as all the junk I used to eat. I know. PB&J's are cheaper than actually cooking. Eating the amount of meat I have been in the last few weeks isn't cheap, not to mention trying to eat fruits and veggies too. But, I shop when things are on sale and base my meals around that. I buy in larger amounts when there is a good deal and freeze it. I am trying to make extras of stuff to freeze also. For example: ground beef was on sale last week, so was ground turkey, so I made four pounds worth of meatballs and froze them. Now I have quick weeknight meal when I need one. The fiance's vacuum sealer he received from me for Christmas is getting used, that's for sure.
If it isn't the food then what could it be?!
Clothes.
Remember back this summer when I was avoiding buying clothes at all costs? Remember that "friend" who told me it is dumb to not want to buy clothes that fit? Yeah, that was because I wanted to lose the weight and didn't want to spend the money just to shrink out of the new clothes. I don't have money to just flush down the drain like that.
Well, I broke down and purchased some new jeans and dress pants. A couple shirts were also thrown in. Now? Now I can't fit them. The dress pants fall off of me. The stretch denim capris are baggy. The workout pants are loose and fall off!!! I have a pair of dress pants that I found in the closet that needed to be hemmed. I've worn them once... now TOO BIG. Just this morning I found another pair of jeans I forgot I had purchased because they also needed to be hemmed... I'm sure they don't fit anymore either!
Now what do I do?! I need a third job just to pay for a new wardrobe that fits!
Current plan is to have a yard sale and sell my wardrobe to help pay for a new one. We will see how that goes...
Sunday, March 12, 2017
Whole30 Go For it!
I have been following a strict Whole 30 diet for the whole month of March (so far). I was feeling better but now my stomach is messed up. I think it has to do with candida again.
I haven't actually had any terrible cravings. One night I wanted something sweet so I stopped at the store and picked up some bananas and frozen fruit for a smoothie. I have taken a real liking to frozen fruit, a banana, and some coconut milk to make a smoothie. In the morning I decided to add some cocoa powder to mix it up a little. It has been a LONG time since I have made brownies, but I'm pretty sure my brain thought I was drinking the batter! It was SOOOOOO GOOOOD!!!!
Since this summer I have lost 20 lbs. That's right, 20 lbs. Someone asked me the other day how much I had lost because I was looking so good. (A perk about never seeing your coworkers, they notice differences.) It hit me after I replied, twenty pounds, that HOLY CRAP!!! I've lost TWENTY POUNDS!!! I have never been the one who is always talking about "I just need to lose 10 lbs" or anything like that. But I realized I lost a bag of dog food worth of weight, two large bags of potatoes worth, just less than half my dog worth! No wonder running is easier these days, I'm not carrying a ton of weight around anymore! Also, made me realize just how much weight I had gained in a year.
It has taken a long time, but it sure feels good to be hovering around 162 lbs again. I saw 158 once and am hoping to see it again. This Whole30 thing should continue to help with that goal. I couldn't imagine what I would do if I saw 140 anything.
I haven't actually had any terrible cravings. One night I wanted something sweet so I stopped at the store and picked up some bananas and frozen fruit for a smoothie. I have taken a real liking to frozen fruit, a banana, and some coconut milk to make a smoothie. In the morning I decided to add some cocoa powder to mix it up a little. It has been a LONG time since I have made brownies, but I'm pretty sure my brain thought I was drinking the batter! It was SOOOOOO GOOOOD!!!!
Since this summer I have lost 20 lbs. That's right, 20 lbs. Someone asked me the other day how much I had lost because I was looking so good. (A perk about never seeing your coworkers, they notice differences.) It hit me after I replied, twenty pounds, that HOLY CRAP!!! I've lost TWENTY POUNDS!!! I have never been the one who is always talking about "I just need to lose 10 lbs" or anything like that. But I realized I lost a bag of dog food worth of weight, two large bags of potatoes worth, just less than half my dog worth! No wonder running is easier these days, I'm not carrying a ton of weight around anymore! Also, made me realize just how much weight I had gained in a year.
It has taken a long time, but it sure feels good to be hovering around 162 lbs again. I saw 158 once and am hoping to see it again. This Whole30 thing should continue to help with that goal. I couldn't imagine what I would do if I saw 140 anything.
Saturday, March 4, 2017
Spring? *updated*
It is hard to remember that it is still winter. We are in the "Spring Semester" and the weather is wonderful! I'm sure it will change again shortly but for now it is hard to remember that it isn't officially spring. Now, the spring semester is when I seem to get the busiest. Weekends are booked and busy along with evenings and week days. I didn't even look to see when the last time I had a moment to blog was.
I'm still doing alright with the workouts. Minus the illness of last weekend (flu is no fun) I have been going on a semi-regular basis. It is challenging when I'm not home in the mornings or am getting behind on grading and HAVE to get grades updated.
In the diet area I have been slacking. I have gotten in the habit of allowing myself food I shouldn't have once a week. That turned into once a week and anytime I was in a hurry. That turned into anytime I kind of wanted food I shouldn't have. Last weekend I was chaperoning a field trip and rather than packing food I opted to eat the food there and what we bought the kids. I ate WAY too much pizza on Friday night which led to waking up feeling HORRIBLE and puking. It was one of those situations where I didn't want to puke but knew it would make me feel so much better if I did. Then I ended up puking and was asking myself why I hadn't just done that earlier. I regretted eating pizza so much since I was assuming it was just my body rejecting all the gluten and cheese and grease and butter and garlic and... I'm getting an upset stomach just talking about it.
Well, turns out one of the teachers I work with had a kid down with a 24 hour stomach bug. I then determined that must be my issue when I had completely emptied my stomach and was still puking. But, everything tasted like pizza for 24 hours and I am now against pizza. I don't even really want a tomato sauce on anything yet either.
So I decided it was the kick in the pants that I needed. My weight loss has stopped and I know it is the diet. I also haven't been feeling great. I haven't been liking my job. I have noticed a lot going downhill in my attitude so it is time to get back on track. I know food leads to a lot of this. Also, my dog has been diagnosed with diabetes so in researching that more I have been reflecting on my own diet and blood sugar fluctuations. I want so much to get back to being fat adapted! So, March 1st I started a Whole 30. Three days have been good so far and I have some food plans for this week laid out. Already I have dropped about 6 lbs. Inches are about the same, but I have dropped some weight.
Then I got curious when I was looking back at how much I weighed and decided to pull up the original picture from when I started Crossfit. I found it was the end of March (I thought it was the beginning) when I started Crossfit and took some new pictures. I see some changes but nothing that dramatic. I'm still really proud of myself and what I've accomplished. The fact that I can do some of the workouts without feeling like I'm going to die is a great feeling! Also, I'm working towards a 10k distance and it is a good feeling to be able to get on a treadmill and do a walk/run training program and complete almost 3 miles in my last 5k time. And that includes walking!!!
**Update**
After posting this I went on about what I was doing and stumbled upon a post that led me to ask a friend about the former friend who I am no longer friends with. She is going through a very exciting time in her life and I had mixed feelings. I'm sad that I'm not there to experience it all with her. I thought about sending her a message but I have thought about this in the past and don't want to open that can of worms. I thought about sending her a card just to let her know that I'm excited for her but again, I don't want to open that can of worms. She could get the card and find it a nice gesture and go on with her life. She could get the card and want to start talking again. She could get the card and it could fire back up all the bad feelings towards me. She could fire up those feelings and lash out. These go from ideal to what I am completely trying to avoid in the first place. So I was having mixed emotions and decided to just wait and see what I feel in a few days. As I closed all my browser windows there were my two pictures I made part of this post.
Suddenly I see a HUGE difference. I see myself as a much happier person. Instead of focusing on where I don't want to be I focus on how close to where I want to be I actually am. I work and change the world daily. I'm planning a wedding to a guy that makes me smile and makes me happier than I could have ever imagined. I bought a dress that I LOVE and adore and can't believe I will actually be getting married in. I am counting down the days to when I get to spend every day with my husband. I have stress but it is stress related to MY life. I don't let others stress me out as much. Even listening to the people I used to work with I realize all we ever did was complain and now I am WAY more positive and choose to focus on the positives.
THIS I don't ever want to give up. This, sadly, I think is all directly related to losing someone I called my best friend. I always tried my hardest to help her be happy and at the same time I lost my own happiness. As I said then and still say, losing her as a friend isn't about her, it is all about me. It has been too long since I have actually focused on me and worked more on becoming who I want to be rather than trying to be the one who helps everyone else.
I found that I had saved this picture while looking for my "before" photo and I think it says it all.
Now I see someone in the current picture who is figuring out how to swim on the surface again. THAT is why I started Crossfit and working on myself. THAT is why I gave up the friend I was closest to in the whole world. THAT is why I continue this journey. It isn't about weight or numbers or looks, it is about how I feel. Always has been, always will be.... be about me.
I'm still doing alright with the workouts. Minus the illness of last weekend (flu is no fun) I have been going on a semi-regular basis. It is challenging when I'm not home in the mornings or am getting behind on grading and HAVE to get grades updated.
In the diet area I have been slacking. I have gotten in the habit of allowing myself food I shouldn't have once a week. That turned into once a week and anytime I was in a hurry. That turned into anytime I kind of wanted food I shouldn't have. Last weekend I was chaperoning a field trip and rather than packing food I opted to eat the food there and what we bought the kids. I ate WAY too much pizza on Friday night which led to waking up feeling HORRIBLE and puking. It was one of those situations where I didn't want to puke but knew it would make me feel so much better if I did. Then I ended up puking and was asking myself why I hadn't just done that earlier. I regretted eating pizza so much since I was assuming it was just my body rejecting all the gluten and cheese and grease and butter and garlic and... I'm getting an upset stomach just talking about it.Well, turns out one of the teachers I work with had a kid down with a 24 hour stomach bug. I then determined that must be my issue when I had completely emptied my stomach and was still puking. But, everything tasted like pizza for 24 hours and I am now against pizza. I don't even really want a tomato sauce on anything yet either.
So I decided it was the kick in the pants that I needed. My weight loss has stopped and I know it is the diet. I also haven't been feeling great. I haven't been liking my job. I have noticed a lot going downhill in my attitude so it is time to get back on track. I know food leads to a lot of this. Also, my dog has been diagnosed with diabetes so in researching that more I have been reflecting on my own diet and blood sugar fluctuations. I want so much to get back to being fat adapted! So, March 1st I started a Whole 30. Three days have been good so far and I have some food plans for this week laid out. Already I have dropped about 6 lbs. Inches are about the same, but I have dropped some weight.Then I got curious when I was looking back at how much I weighed and decided to pull up the original picture from when I started Crossfit. I found it was the end of March (I thought it was the beginning) when I started Crossfit and took some new pictures. I see some changes but nothing that dramatic. I'm still really proud of myself and what I've accomplished. The fact that I can do some of the workouts without feeling like I'm going to die is a great feeling! Also, I'm working towards a 10k distance and it is a good feeling to be able to get on a treadmill and do a walk/run training program and complete almost 3 miles in my last 5k time. And that includes walking!!!
**Update**
After posting this I went on about what I was doing and stumbled upon a post that led me to ask a friend about the former friend who I am no longer friends with. She is going through a very exciting time in her life and I had mixed feelings. I'm sad that I'm not there to experience it all with her. I thought about sending her a message but I have thought about this in the past and don't want to open that can of worms. I thought about sending her a card just to let her know that I'm excited for her but again, I don't want to open that can of worms. She could get the card and find it a nice gesture and go on with her life. She could get the card and want to start talking again. She could get the card and it could fire back up all the bad feelings towards me. She could fire up those feelings and lash out. These go from ideal to what I am completely trying to avoid in the first place. So I was having mixed emotions and decided to just wait and see what I feel in a few days. As I closed all my browser windows there were my two pictures I made part of this post.
Suddenly I see a HUGE difference. I see myself as a much happier person. Instead of focusing on where I don't want to be I focus on how close to where I want to be I actually am. I work and change the world daily. I'm planning a wedding to a guy that makes me smile and makes me happier than I could have ever imagined. I bought a dress that I LOVE and adore and can't believe I will actually be getting married in. I am counting down the days to when I get to spend every day with my husband. I have stress but it is stress related to MY life. I don't let others stress me out as much. Even listening to the people I used to work with I realize all we ever did was complain and now I am WAY more positive and choose to focus on the positives.
THIS I don't ever want to give up. This, sadly, I think is all directly related to losing someone I called my best friend. I always tried my hardest to help her be happy and at the same time I lost my own happiness. As I said then and still say, losing her as a friend isn't about her, it is all about me. It has been too long since I have actually focused on me and worked more on becoming who I want to be rather than trying to be the one who helps everyone else.I found that I had saved this picture while looking for my "before" photo and I think it says it all.
Now I see someone in the current picture who is figuring out how to swim on the surface again. THAT is why I started Crossfit and working on myself. THAT is why I gave up the friend I was closest to in the whole world. THAT is why I continue this journey. It isn't about weight or numbers or looks, it is about how I feel. Always has been, always will be.... be about me.
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
New Year, Busier than ever!!!
Ok, so a lot has happened in the last month and a half. So much so that I haven't had a chance to write anything.
Did I mention I got engaged? So that whole trip over Thanksgiving? I left a part out until we could announce it to family and friends properly before blogging about it. He proposed in Mesa Verde National Park and from there we haven't had a free moment.
December was filled with finding a venue. Being Catholic I know we will be married in a church by a priest or deacon. He isn't Catholic, but he gets to deal. Did you know that you CAN have a destination Catholic wedding?! I didn't but figured they should be able to happen. So after asking at the parish I belong to we set on the hunt to find a church and location we could both agree upon. So far our guidance was "in the mountains of Colorado."
After googling every church in the diocese we narrowed down the list to the ones that were in an ok location and looked nice. This led us to the chapel where we will be getting married. It is GORGEOUS! That led us to looking for reception venues. THAT led us to looking at our "cheap back up" plan... umm... not as cheap so back to the mountain venue! By Christmas we had a date, location, venue, menu (for the most part), decorations, and many more things already decided. Not sure why some get so stressed over this, everything is falling into place nicely. I'm waiting for when it all hits the fan, but so far it is smooth and every hurdle we come to we cross with ease as a couple.
The biggest hurdle was the officiant and interpreter. He is hard of hearing/deaf so it would be nice if he could understand his own wedding and what he is agreeing to. His parents offered to pay for one of his old interpreters to sign for us but she hasn't done it in ten years or more and wouldn't feel comfortable. Back to square one. We were going to try and get a priest who can sign but nobody ever replied. Then we were going to go with the local one but he is busy. Then we were going to go with one from the parish I'm from. Before we did that I wanted to try one more time to get someone who signs. I went to the church where they have a deaf ministry and talked to the ladies in the office. I left a message for the ONLY priest who signs in the whole diocese. That's pretty much the populated area of the sate... the ONLY ONE. It is worth a shot. We took the chance and we got it!!! We will have a ceremony that is both spoken and signed by the same priest. No interpreter needed.
This is a big deal to me because I don't like singling him out for his hearing. I don't like that "special" accommodations need to be made. It should just be something that is done and happens. We shouldn't have to look at different people on our wedding day for what is happening. Now we don't have to and yet we combine both worlds into one. Kind of symbolic of the day...
Then with school I'm planned ahead and things are smooth for the most part. I got new windows in my house. And last year I started working with two other teachers doing a small group ACT/SAT prep class. That's taking off nicely and keeping me crazy busy. This weekend is dress shopping!
So on the dress shopping front I am SO tempted to text up the ol friend I ditched this summer and inform her of what happened. You know, the one who told me I don't know what it is like to not like my body and be called fat? That one. Well, in talking to my father about our wedding budget and all that he let me know that they would toss in a little extra to help with buying a dress since I will need to buy one. Jokingly I asked if he really wasn't going to make me wear the dress my mom has insisted I wear (cause both sisters wore it) for the last 12 years. Nope, it won't fit me. Ok, but they can always alter it.
My father replies with, "Yeah, but they can only let it out so far." My own father. Now I'm not sure he really meant to tell me he thinks I'm too fat to fit into my sisters ' dress but that is in fact what he said.
Nope... no idea what it is like to have strangers call me fat... my family does it enough for me. Of course she won't see it as about me and my feelings but instead will turn it around to be about her so I won't.
In other news I'm feeling good about myself. I now have the drive of "but this will make your arms look good" to push me through workouts and to not wimp out on weight. I'm toning and am getting some definition of a bicep!!!! That's exciting news. I haven't really gotten the scale much lower than 169 or high 168 but tomorrow I'm hopeful. I have been watching what I eat this week and yesterday I was at 175 when I went to bed. 170-171ish when I woke up and just weighed myself before going to bed again. I can usually predict my morning weight based on my evening weight. Tonight I was at 169. I typically drop a few pounds over night as I process food and such so I have high hopes for tomorrow.
More about workouts later.
Did I mention I got engaged? So that whole trip over Thanksgiving? I left a part out until we could announce it to family and friends properly before blogging about it. He proposed in Mesa Verde National Park and from there we haven't had a free moment.
December was filled with finding a venue. Being Catholic I know we will be married in a church by a priest or deacon. He isn't Catholic, but he gets to deal. Did you know that you CAN have a destination Catholic wedding?! I didn't but figured they should be able to happen. So after asking at the parish I belong to we set on the hunt to find a church and location we could both agree upon. So far our guidance was "in the mountains of Colorado."
After googling every church in the diocese we narrowed down the list to the ones that were in an ok location and looked nice. This led us to the chapel where we will be getting married. It is GORGEOUS! That led us to looking for reception venues. THAT led us to looking at our "cheap back up" plan... umm... not as cheap so back to the mountain venue! By Christmas we had a date, location, venue, menu (for the most part), decorations, and many more things already decided. Not sure why some get so stressed over this, everything is falling into place nicely. I'm waiting for when it all hits the fan, but so far it is smooth and every hurdle we come to we cross with ease as a couple.
The biggest hurdle was the officiant and interpreter. He is hard of hearing/deaf so it would be nice if he could understand his own wedding and what he is agreeing to. His parents offered to pay for one of his old interpreters to sign for us but she hasn't done it in ten years or more and wouldn't feel comfortable. Back to square one. We were going to try and get a priest who can sign but nobody ever replied. Then we were going to go with the local one but he is busy. Then we were going to go with one from the parish I'm from. Before we did that I wanted to try one more time to get someone who signs. I went to the church where they have a deaf ministry and talked to the ladies in the office. I left a message for the ONLY priest who signs in the whole diocese. That's pretty much the populated area of the sate... the ONLY ONE. It is worth a shot. We took the chance and we got it!!! We will have a ceremony that is both spoken and signed by the same priest. No interpreter needed.
This is a big deal to me because I don't like singling him out for his hearing. I don't like that "special" accommodations need to be made. It should just be something that is done and happens. We shouldn't have to look at different people on our wedding day for what is happening. Now we don't have to and yet we combine both worlds into one. Kind of symbolic of the day...
Then with school I'm planned ahead and things are smooth for the most part. I got new windows in my house. And last year I started working with two other teachers doing a small group ACT/SAT prep class. That's taking off nicely and keeping me crazy busy. This weekend is dress shopping!
So on the dress shopping front I am SO tempted to text up the ol friend I ditched this summer and inform her of what happened. You know, the one who told me I don't know what it is like to not like my body and be called fat? That one. Well, in talking to my father about our wedding budget and all that he let me know that they would toss in a little extra to help with buying a dress since I will need to buy one. Jokingly I asked if he really wasn't going to make me wear the dress my mom has insisted I wear (cause both sisters wore it) for the last 12 years. Nope, it won't fit me. Ok, but they can always alter it.
My father replies with, "Yeah, but they can only let it out so far." My own father. Now I'm not sure he really meant to tell me he thinks I'm too fat to fit into my sisters ' dress but that is in fact what he said.
Nope... no idea what it is like to have strangers call me fat... my family does it enough for me. Of course she won't see it as about me and my feelings but instead will turn it around to be about her so I won't.
In other news I'm feeling good about myself. I now have the drive of "but this will make your arms look good" to push me through workouts and to not wimp out on weight. I'm toning and am getting some definition of a bicep!!!! That's exciting news. I haven't really gotten the scale much lower than 169 or high 168 but tomorrow I'm hopeful. I have been watching what I eat this week and yesterday I was at 175 when I went to bed. 170-171ish when I woke up and just weighed myself before going to bed again. I can usually predict my morning weight based on my evening weight. Tonight I was at 169. I typically drop a few pounds over night as I process food and such so I have high hopes for tomorrow.
More about workouts later.
Wednesday, November 30, 2016
Happy Thanksgiving!!!! (A Little Late)
So I was off on some wild adventures for the week of Thanksgiving and never had a chance to write about anything. Here is a recap of the Thanksgiving Trip... part 1.
The bf and I started out early Saturday and headed to Colorado National Monument. We did some hiking and it was BEAUTIFUL! The rocks were amazing and the formations were cool. You could see for miles and it was just gorgeous.
From there we headed to Moab, UT. The next day we hiked a LOT in Arches National Park. Again... BEAUTIFUL!!! And the arches look so strong but when you learn more about them you find they are really fragile. Also, some of the trails in the Devil's Garden are very high up with little around you. It was an intense hike on the anxiety front for sure. After a mile or two total in Colorado Nat. Monument and then a good long hike in Arches, my legs were tired but not done yet.
Monday involved driving to the end of the overlook road from the Island in the Sky Visitor's Center in Canyonlands National Park. Again... BEAUTIFUL!!! At the end of the road we hiked out to the end of the trail and back. The legs were still going!
Then the snow hit and we changed our afternoon plans and avoided seeing Canyons of the Ancients and Hovenweep National Monument. Tuesday brought with it a trip to Mesa Verde National Park. Now, when I was about 8 years old and in 2nd grade I remember seeing pictures of cliff dwellings in a book. I added seeing such things to my bucket list immediately. Imagine my surprise when I moved to Colorado and found out it was IN Colorado!! Then finding out how long of a drive it was... then how hot it gets in the summer so no driving, camping, and exploring for me. But now. This trip. We were going to actually see it. I have waited 20 years for this!!!! And again... BEAUTIFUL!!! Amazing.
The last day on the road, Wednesday brought a trip to Great Sand Dunes National Park. The hike to the top of the dune was SO difficult. Nothing like working your legs more than you ever have in the last 5 days only to spend the 5th hiking up sand! BUT I DID IT!!!!! And I'm glad I did.
Then we were back home and ate dinner with family on Thursday. Surprisingly I survived what the fitbits registered as almost 40 miles worth of walking. FOURTY miles of walking in 5 days. I'm kind of a beast!
Every place we went I thought it was the most beautiful thing and it nothing else could come close. Then we would get to the next stop and again... same thought. I couldn't have imagined how beautiful these places are and although we were exhausted from all that I crammed into the trip, it is wonderful to be able to say I saw these places, hiked, and am still able to walk. :)
The bf and I started out early Saturday and headed to Colorado National Monument. We did some hiking and it was BEAUTIFUL! The rocks were amazing and the formations were cool. You could see for miles and it was just gorgeous.
From there we headed to Moab, UT. The next day we hiked a LOT in Arches National Park. Again... BEAUTIFUL!!! And the arches look so strong but when you learn more about them you find they are really fragile. Also, some of the trails in the Devil's Garden are very high up with little around you. It was an intense hike on the anxiety front for sure. After a mile or two total in Colorado Nat. Monument and then a good long hike in Arches, my legs were tired but not done yet.
The last day on the road, Wednesday brought a trip to Great Sand Dunes National Park. The hike to the top of the dune was SO difficult. Nothing like working your legs more than you ever have in the last 5 days only to spend the 5th hiking up sand! BUT I DID IT!!!!! And I'm glad I did.
Every place we went I thought it was the most beautiful thing and it nothing else could come close. Then we would get to the next stop and again... same thought. I couldn't have imagined how beautiful these places are and although we were exhausted from all that I crammed into the trip, it is wonderful to be able to say I saw these places, hiked, and am still able to walk. :)
Tuesday, November 15, 2016
It is paying off... slowly
The other day I stepped on the scale and saw a number less than 170 for the first time in a long time!!!! A week later I saw it again!!! Now, I know 169.8 isn't a huge win but when I stop and look back I'm down over 10 lbs. Today when I stepped on the scale I saw 167!!! I can remember seeing 183 on the scale (more than one day in a row) and this morning I was down 16 lbs!!! (According to my BMI I should lose another 20, I'd be happy with another 7-10)
What have I been doing?
-Less Stress
-Living Happier
-Focusing on the Positives
-Eating Better
-Following more of the diet I paid good money for the blood test to find out
-Working Out
Overall just being more satisfied with life, decluttering it in many ways, and working to enjoy it. Instead of focusing on the bad I try more to focus on the good. It doesn't always happen, but I try and that is the first step. :)
So, just a quick post about my win today and how my weight is better than yesterday. :) Along with the eating habits...
Oh, AND I wore a skirt today. It is cute, I just don't always wear skirts because I'm a teacher and they make me nervous at times being around 8th grade boys all day... Anyway... wore a skirt all day, spent the whole day walking around the room, did a review game so I had to be on my feet and moving things on the board and everything... It was the last period of the day before I realized I never put deodorant on my thighs. (It is a trick to prevent chafing and if you haven't tried it, you should.) I never put deodorant on my thighs and I had no chafing issues!!!! There are a lot of little payoffs to all this...
What have I been doing?
-Less Stress
-Living Happier
-Focusing on the Positives
-Eating Better
-Following more of the diet I paid good money for the blood test to find out
-Working Out
Overall just being more satisfied with life, decluttering it in many ways, and working to enjoy it. Instead of focusing on the bad I try more to focus on the good. It doesn't always happen, but I try and that is the first step. :)
So, just a quick post about my win today and how my weight is better than yesterday. :) Along with the eating habits...
Oh, AND I wore a skirt today. It is cute, I just don't always wear skirts because I'm a teacher and they make me nervous at times being around 8th grade boys all day... Anyway... wore a skirt all day, spent the whole day walking around the room, did a review game so I had to be on my feet and moving things on the board and everything... It was the last period of the day before I realized I never put deodorant on my thighs. (It is a trick to prevent chafing and if you haven't tried it, you should.) I never put deodorant on my thighs and I had no chafing issues!!!! There are a lot of little payoffs to all this...
Monday, November 14, 2016
You Win Some, You Lose Some
Last week I set the goal of eating all Whole30 or at least Paleo to help kick the sugar issues that I have and to get back on track. This has sort of been my whole goal since Halloween time but last week I said it was going to happen! Two weeks till Thanksgiving break, a trip, a turkey, and all the overeating that goes with the above. So, two weeks to reset and make better choices to hopefully help curb all the bad habits over break.
Well, last week was a horrible week when examined up close but when I step back it was actually a great week. Up close it included some late nights at school to get grading and other things taken care of, some crazy time where kids were building constantly on their projects, an election that has led to the worry of a possible pay cuts (definitely not getting raises next year) based on not passing some school funding items, and some really stressful times. But, when I step back I see a week where kids were able to create unexplainable project pieces, rock a presentation to their parents, cook some great food for teachers, and overall show that they are great and why I do what I do.
That being said I was invited to Pizza and Punch by students in the FACS class. I was ecstatic because all of last year I never received an invite for their days to cook for teachers and this year I was invited right away! How can you turn down a chance to sit with students who want you to be there and eat some delicious pizza? It was amazing! Just... it wasn't paleo...
Then Thursday came along. I was tired, had cramps, a to do list a mile long, and just wanted to curl up and go back to bed. Instead I had to be at school, had to get a video made, round up photos, organize some stuff, and put on a happy face until 8pm while students showed off their projects. So, when the math teacher walked in with donuts I may have eaten one... or four... throughout the day. Then, for dinner the other teachers who ran to the store to get sides for our pulled pork brought back cheesecake and berries. How could I resist?! It was a rough, emotional day. Friday I may have helped finish off more cheesecake even though I'm not proud of it.
So, I had some wins in that I kept the cravings down until the end of the week. I even went to the candy drawer, dug through it, and none of the candy sounded good so I closed it and walked away. But I did give in at the end of the week big time!
This week is a new week and everyday is a new day. Today I saw 169 on the scale for the second time in a week. That is a HUGE win!!! I will take it and use it as incentive to keep going. :)
So today I was better at getting my workout in, drinking more water, and avoiding the last of the cheesecake along with other things I shouldn't eat.
Well, last week was a horrible week when examined up close but when I step back it was actually a great week. Up close it included some late nights at school to get grading and other things taken care of, some crazy time where kids were building constantly on their projects, an election that has led to the worry of a possible pay cuts (definitely not getting raises next year) based on not passing some school funding items, and some really stressful times. But, when I step back I see a week where kids were able to create unexplainable project pieces, rock a presentation to their parents, cook some great food for teachers, and overall show that they are great and why I do what I do.
That being said I was invited to Pizza and Punch by students in the FACS class. I was ecstatic because all of last year I never received an invite for their days to cook for teachers and this year I was invited right away! How can you turn down a chance to sit with students who want you to be there and eat some delicious pizza? It was amazing! Just... it wasn't paleo...
Then Thursday came along. I was tired, had cramps, a to do list a mile long, and just wanted to curl up and go back to bed. Instead I had to be at school, had to get a video made, round up photos, organize some stuff, and put on a happy face until 8pm while students showed off their projects. So, when the math teacher walked in with donuts I may have eaten one... or four... throughout the day. Then, for dinner the other teachers who ran to the store to get sides for our pulled pork brought back cheesecake and berries. How could I resist?! It was a rough, emotional day. Friday I may have helped finish off more cheesecake even though I'm not proud of it.
So, I had some wins in that I kept the cravings down until the end of the week. I even went to the candy drawer, dug through it, and none of the candy sounded good so I closed it and walked away. But I did give in at the end of the week big time!
This week is a new week and everyday is a new day. Today I saw 169 on the scale for the second time in a week. That is a HUGE win!!! I will take it and use it as incentive to keep going. :)
So today I was better at getting my workout in, drinking more water, and avoiding the last of the cheesecake along with other things I shouldn't eat.
Tuesday, November 1, 2016
Halloween
Well, I survived Halloween!
This weekend the bf and I carved pumpkins and they were adorable. Then I came home so I could workout on Monday morning. It was difficult to get up in the morning but the workout was good. We did Fight Gone Bad again! I talked about it in my Week 3 post from April. I looked it back up and saw that my score was 179 in April. Monday I tallied up 182! It isn't a huge difference but it is an improvement. :) Just gotta be better than yesterday.
Monday night the bf and I handed out candy for trick-or-treaters and I cooked. I made caramel popcorn balls, chili, and cornbread. I was going to do a Paleo chili but I'm not supposed to have zucchini and that's a big veggie used in place of beans. Also I figured that my list says legumes are approved so I opted for beans. I made a huge pot full and then froze some and put some away for lunches. This led me to find that I should stop thinking my freezer is empty.
I'm also part of a group of positive, encouraging women and the leader mentioned starting a Whole30 for November. I have wanted to do a Whole30 round before but have never found enough food I am supposed to eat on the list of foods I should eat. So all day today I thought about it. Then, as I finally finished entering grades at 5pm and packed up to head home, I decided that this week it just won't happen. I need time to plan and shop. My goal for this week is to keep drinking lots of water, eat mostly Whole30, and only allow one meal a day to be a healthy, non-Whole30 meal.
My bf said he would also do the diet with me for support but I'm thinking it may have something to do with all the candy we ate last night making us feel so bad this morning... I also haven't done measurements for November because I've gained about 5 lbs from eating KALE SALAD (seriously... kale salad... there is really truth to this ALCAT test...) and then pigging out on candy last night didn't help.
So, now it is time to do more research. :)
Happy November!!!
This weekend the bf and I carved pumpkins and they were adorable. Then I came home so I could workout on Monday morning. It was difficult to get up in the morning but the workout was good. We did Fight Gone Bad again! I talked about it in my Week 3 post from April. I looked it back up and saw that my score was 179 in April. Monday I tallied up 182! It isn't a huge difference but it is an improvement. :) Just gotta be better than yesterday.
Monday night the bf and I handed out candy for trick-or-treaters and I cooked. I made caramel popcorn balls, chili, and cornbread. I was going to do a Paleo chili but I'm not supposed to have zucchini and that's a big veggie used in place of beans. Also I figured that my list says legumes are approved so I opted for beans. I made a huge pot full and then froze some and put some away for lunches. This led me to find that I should stop thinking my freezer is empty.
I'm also part of a group of positive, encouraging women and the leader mentioned starting a Whole30 for November. I have wanted to do a Whole30 round before but have never found enough food I am supposed to eat on the list of foods I should eat. So all day today I thought about it. Then, as I finally finished entering grades at 5pm and packed up to head home, I decided that this week it just won't happen. I need time to plan and shop. My goal for this week is to keep drinking lots of water, eat mostly Whole30, and only allow one meal a day to be a healthy, non-Whole30 meal.
My bf said he would also do the diet with me for support but I'm thinking it may have something to do with all the candy we ate last night making us feel so bad this morning... I also haven't done measurements for November because I've gained about 5 lbs from eating KALE SALAD (seriously... kale salad... there is really truth to this ALCAT test...) and then pigging out on candy last night didn't help.
So, now it is time to do more research. :)
Happy November!!!
Sunday, October 23, 2016
Nutrition Talk
Today the Crossfit Gym (I know it is called a "box" but I'm not on that level in my mind yet...) had a talk about nutrition. I didn't really feel like getting off the couch but I figured it would do me some good to get outside again today. So, I went...
First I just have to say my body is programed to sweat whenever I am in that building.
The talk started with us writing down what we ate yesterday and rating it. Yesterday was Saturday and most don't have great weekend eating habits. So we were given the option of writing down Friday. Ummm... so Friday was what we call a "build day" where the kids spend the whole day working on their projects and as teachers it is one of the few days we get fast food for lunch. Friday's pick was KFC. Not a proud moment but it was tasty. That also led to a lot of napping yesterday and some poor food choices. Today I'm doing a little better but the one thing I learned today is that I have got to stop lying to myself. I can't say I still eat pretty healthy. Since this summer I have had some struggles on the diet front. It started with everything leading up to having the ALCAT test redone. Things have to change.
So this talk today went through a lot of information but not extremely in-depth. It is all stuff I have heard before but needed to hear again. The owner of the gym has her PhD and is a registered dietitian. She has been doing this for awhile and is a woman after my own heart; she looks at things from a scientific point of view.
To start with she mentioned all athletes need a healthy diet (Duh...) and that we were all athletes, she knows this because we show up to Crossfit. WAIT, what?! I have NEVER thought of myself as an athlete before. I did color guard in high school and a little in college. I've never played a "sport" or anything that most would consider to be athletic. I would like to have the "athletic" toned body but never have I thought of myself as an athlete. This is a whole new lens to view myself through...
Macro nutrients: fat, proteins, and carbs, were the main part of the talk and she stressed the Paleo diet. Not as a "diet" or anything but more so as an analogy for clean eating. Pretty much to her Paleo means eating things that haven't been processed to a degree. She also mentioned figuring out what YOUR body needs and reacts to. Not everyone HAS to go dairy free or give up grains. The key is to eat food that isn't as processed. Paleo also tends to be higher in protein, moderate in carbs and healthy fat intake, dense in macronutrients, and a better balance of Omega-3 and Omega-6 fatty acids when compared to the "average American diet."
Included was a list of foods to avoid and why:
grains- have anti-nutrients (?), inflammatory, carb-rich but nutrient poor
beans- have anti-nutrients, inflammatory, carb-rich but nutrient poor
gluten- inflammatory and damages the gut lining
dairy- inflammatory, good at making baby things get bigger (unless you're wanting mass gain you probably don't need it)
refined sugars- inflammatory, causes swings in blood sugar, can be addictive
alcohol- see refined sugars
processed foods- crammed with chemicals, preservatives, extra sodium and nutrient poor
Until this summer I was doing good with avoiding the above with the exception of rice. I need to get back on the wagon and cut out the junk I have been eating. With the help of the ALCAT I already know what foods my body doesn't tolerate. Now I just need to get back within the "good diet" guidelines.
It was also mentioned that the Whole30 and all the diets who say they take 30 days have science behind them. Studies have shown that 30 days is the ideal time to see changes take place in gut health and other changes in the body based on food changes.
Things I already knew but she went over some of the pros of cleaner eating:
-to be healthier
-to perform better
-to aid in recovery
-steady energy
-mental clarity
-increased muscle mass
-increased strength
-better immune response
-fat loss
-improved mood
-decreased inflammation
-faster recovery
-better sleep
The idea of being "fat adapted" as something that happens when your body is used to burning fat more than it is burning carbs. You still eat carbs but your body is more reliant on the long term break down of fats rather than the fast energy. It helps to balance out a lot of different functions in your body. So a 30 day run of something like Whole30 can actually get your body into a "fat adapted" state.
I had never thought of it like that before.
Signs that you're fat adapted include: less hangry episodes, you don't have intense carb cravings, steady energy throughout the day, you burn the fat you eat rather than store it, metabolic flexibility
Then came the timing piece. This part I was really interested in because I have been trying out intermittent fasting. Pre-workout meals should be 15-75 minutes before a workout, endurance workouts should include a snack, and a post workout snack/meal 15-30 minutes after a workout. If you're fat adapted you can do fasted training. (That's kind of what I do!) Fasted training helps your gut feel better and taps into your fat stores if fat adapted.
It will take 2-3 weeks to adjust if you're coming from a crappy diet. Drink lots of water and suffer though, it gets better on the other side.
So, I'm going to try to get back on the clean eating kick. Step one: cutting out processed sugars. First I will stop eating candy. Not proud that I downed a whole bag of sour gummy bears the other day... I still have some yogurt that is sweetened and delicious... but I'm not buying any more. It will be difficult with Halloween coming up next weekend, but it can be done. I have done it before!
Drink more water...
First I just have to say my body is programed to sweat whenever I am in that building.
The talk started with us writing down what we ate yesterday and rating it. Yesterday was Saturday and most don't have great weekend eating habits. So we were given the option of writing down Friday. Ummm... so Friday was what we call a "build day" where the kids spend the whole day working on their projects and as teachers it is one of the few days we get fast food for lunch. Friday's pick was KFC. Not a proud moment but it was tasty. That also led to a lot of napping yesterday and some poor food choices. Today I'm doing a little better but the one thing I learned today is that I have got to stop lying to myself. I can't say I still eat pretty healthy. Since this summer I have had some struggles on the diet front. It started with everything leading up to having the ALCAT test redone. Things have to change.
So this talk today went through a lot of information but not extremely in-depth. It is all stuff I have heard before but needed to hear again. The owner of the gym has her PhD and is a registered dietitian. She has been doing this for awhile and is a woman after my own heart; she looks at things from a scientific point of view.
To start with she mentioned all athletes need a healthy diet (Duh...) and that we were all athletes, she knows this because we show up to Crossfit. WAIT, what?! I have NEVER thought of myself as an athlete before. I did color guard in high school and a little in college. I've never played a "sport" or anything that most would consider to be athletic. I would like to have the "athletic" toned body but never have I thought of myself as an athlete. This is a whole new lens to view myself through...
Macro nutrients: fat, proteins, and carbs, were the main part of the talk and she stressed the Paleo diet. Not as a "diet" or anything but more so as an analogy for clean eating. Pretty much to her Paleo means eating things that haven't been processed to a degree. She also mentioned figuring out what YOUR body needs and reacts to. Not everyone HAS to go dairy free or give up grains. The key is to eat food that isn't as processed. Paleo also tends to be higher in protein, moderate in carbs and healthy fat intake, dense in macronutrients, and a better balance of Omega-3 and Omega-6 fatty acids when compared to the "average American diet."
Included was a list of foods to avoid and why:
grains- have anti-nutrients (?), inflammatory, carb-rich but nutrient poor
beans- have anti-nutrients, inflammatory, carb-rich but nutrient poor
gluten- inflammatory and damages the gut lining
dairy- inflammatory, good at making baby things get bigger (unless you're wanting mass gain you probably don't need it)
refined sugars- inflammatory, causes swings in blood sugar, can be addictive
alcohol- see refined sugars
processed foods- crammed with chemicals, preservatives, extra sodium and nutrient poor
Until this summer I was doing good with avoiding the above with the exception of rice. I need to get back on the wagon and cut out the junk I have been eating. With the help of the ALCAT I already know what foods my body doesn't tolerate. Now I just need to get back within the "good diet" guidelines.
It was also mentioned that the Whole30 and all the diets who say they take 30 days have science behind them. Studies have shown that 30 days is the ideal time to see changes take place in gut health and other changes in the body based on food changes.
Things I already knew but she went over some of the pros of cleaner eating:
-to be healthier
-to perform better
-to aid in recovery
-steady energy
-mental clarity
-increased muscle mass
-increased strength
-better immune response
-fat loss
-improved mood
-decreased inflammation
-faster recovery
-better sleep
The idea of being "fat adapted" as something that happens when your body is used to burning fat more than it is burning carbs. You still eat carbs but your body is more reliant on the long term break down of fats rather than the fast energy. It helps to balance out a lot of different functions in your body. So a 30 day run of something like Whole30 can actually get your body into a "fat adapted" state.
I had never thought of it like that before.
Signs that you're fat adapted include: less hangry episodes, you don't have intense carb cravings, steady energy throughout the day, you burn the fat you eat rather than store it, metabolic flexibility
Then came the timing piece. This part I was really interested in because I have been trying out intermittent fasting. Pre-workout meals should be 15-75 minutes before a workout, endurance workouts should include a snack, and a post workout snack/meal 15-30 minutes after a workout. If you're fat adapted you can do fasted training. (That's kind of what I do!) Fasted training helps your gut feel better and taps into your fat stores if fat adapted.
It will take 2-3 weeks to adjust if you're coming from a crappy diet. Drink lots of water and suffer though, it gets better on the other side.
So, I'm going to try to get back on the clean eating kick. Step one: cutting out processed sugars. First I will stop eating candy. Not proud that I downed a whole bag of sour gummy bears the other day... I still have some yogurt that is sweetened and delicious... but I'm not buying any more. It will be difficult with Halloween coming up next weekend, but it can be done. I have done it before!
Drink more water...
Thursday, October 13, 2016
Something that's been bothering me...
So, it is "that" week. Girls know the one I'm talking about.... For me that means thinking about EVERYTHING and mulling over it a million times. Often I go back to the day I couldn't handle the girl I called my best friend. (Mind you she always called someone else her best friend but was sure to let me know that I was a better friend than the other girl was most days.)
See... this is what happens... stupid side tangents...
On that day she mentioned how people look at her and are disgusted by her weight/looks. About how people make comments about how fat and ugly she is. How a kid drove by 9 years ago and yelled at her something about Jenny Craig. How I don't know what it is like to have people make comments because they don't like my body. (disclaimer: this is my brain this week, it could have changed the actual events)
So I've been pondering about it and I have realized something... I do know. It has happened to me. As a matter of fact it happened from her. And then came this realization...
You don't have to be fat for people to think you look disgusting.
I have honestly never thought I was "fat." I've never claimed that. There have been times where I think I could lose a few pounds. When I would feel better if I was in better shape. All that... But I've never thought I've been fat. (My BMI says otherwise, I think it uses the term "obese")
Looking back she had always made comments about how I didn't need to lose weight. How I looked amazing. I was even too skinny at one point. (I was pretty darn skinny Freshman year of high school) Most of these were comments made in support. In the last year of our friendship though I feel like some became less supportive. (Again, it could all be in my brain) Then I got to thinking about it and see people all the time make comments, smiling, and then turn around and drop the smile to be envious. They honestly find it disgusting that you aren't fat. That you just look good and think it comes so easy to you. They judge you for how you look and blame you for judging them even if you don't.
Have I ever looked at a picture and said, "Woah, she/he got big?" Yeah. I can't lie and say I haven't. Except for one person (an ex) I have NEVER said it because they look disgusting. It is more of a comment of shock because the person I knew, the person I thought they were, valued their self more. I don't think people gain weight because they don't value their self, there are always other factors that play a role. I think what becomes more apparent is how uncomfortable they look like they feel being in the picture and you can see that they don't look at their whole self the same or value it the same anymore. It is more of a shock to see their confidence gone. THAT is what makes me sad and disgusted.
Then I look back and all the times I felt remarks were made about my weight or how good I look in a judging manner was when I was feeling most confident about myself. (Negative comments were made at times when I wasn't feeing great about being me.. unless it is coming from my mom and that's just how my mother is) Anyone who knows me quickly learns that I'm a pretty confident and independent person. That's just me and how I've had to be in life. I don't let many visibly bring me down. (They do, I just normally don't let it show. Or try not to.) So then I have to reevaluate... do these girls make comments in a negative manner about my looks because they are disgusted by them or do they make the comments because I am so confident about myself? Do others make comments about those they see as disgusting, for whatever reason, because they envy the confidence level of that person?
Self reflection and people watching, especially as a teacher, has led me to know that people will often turn things on others and blame others for issues. Kid gets a bad grade and feels bad about it, turns on the kid who got the A and tries to make sure they feel bad about that A too. Someone in an unhappy relationship tries to make others feel bad about their healthy relationship or at least question it. We do it all the time! "Oh, you're going to the beach on vacation?! Oh, well I heard about the jellyfish/weather/sharks/bugs/area/people/etc. were bad there." We try to steal their happiness to make up for our own lack of happiness. I'm guilty of it too! The first step is admitting you have a problem!
So, here is what I have been working on... building people up. Let's stop tearing people down. Let's stop judging. Let's allow people to be open and honest and not interfere with their feelings. If you see or think of something positive to say, say it! If they are upset help them out. Lift them up. Don't thrive off their misery. And if they are happy and excited and joyous? Do NOT take that away from them! Don't ruin their confidence/happiness/excitement just to make yourself feel better. Don't do it. If you can't be happy for them then figure out what in your life is preventing you from being happy for them and either do something to change it or accept it as it is and move on. It may not happen over night, but get over it!
I've slowly been working on this and I have to say, (minus this week) I have been a happier person overall. Try it. Try to see things from a different perspective and not judging people. That includes the car that cut you off, the person who takes forever ringing up your groceries (PAINFULLY slow just so you know... and was upsetting to stand in line forever to get the slowest cashier and it could have ruined my day but instead I wondered if she HAD to be working and that was the job she could do. She was older maybe stocking or something else wouldn't work out. Then instead of anger and frustration at her I was upset with the situation and felt bad for her and hope she is accomplishing what she needs to.), the student who acts like a jerk sometimes, everyone who upsets us in some way or even causes us to be jealous of something... stop. Be happy.
See... this is what happens... stupid side tangents...
On that day she mentioned how people look at her and are disgusted by her weight/looks. About how people make comments about how fat and ugly she is. How a kid drove by 9 years ago and yelled at her something about Jenny Craig. How I don't know what it is like to have people make comments because they don't like my body. (disclaimer: this is my brain this week, it could have changed the actual events)
So I've been pondering about it and I have realized something... I do know. It has happened to me. As a matter of fact it happened from her. And then came this realization...
You don't have to be fat for people to think you look disgusting.
I have honestly never thought I was "fat." I've never claimed that. There have been times where I think I could lose a few pounds. When I would feel better if I was in better shape. All that... But I've never thought I've been fat. (My BMI says otherwise, I think it uses the term "obese")
Looking back she had always made comments about how I didn't need to lose weight. How I looked amazing. I was even too skinny at one point. (I was pretty darn skinny Freshman year of high school) Most of these were comments made in support. In the last year of our friendship though I feel like some became less supportive. (Again, it could all be in my brain) Then I got to thinking about it and see people all the time make comments, smiling, and then turn around and drop the smile to be envious. They honestly find it disgusting that you aren't fat. That you just look good and think it comes so easy to you. They judge you for how you look and blame you for judging them even if you don't.
Have I ever looked at a picture and said, "Woah, she/he got big?" Yeah. I can't lie and say I haven't. Except for one person (an ex) I have NEVER said it because they look disgusting. It is more of a comment of shock because the person I knew, the person I thought they were, valued their self more. I don't think people gain weight because they don't value their self, there are always other factors that play a role. I think what becomes more apparent is how uncomfortable they look like they feel being in the picture and you can see that they don't look at their whole self the same or value it the same anymore. It is more of a shock to see their confidence gone. THAT is what makes me sad and disgusted.
Then I look back and all the times I felt remarks were made about my weight or how good I look in a judging manner was when I was feeling most confident about myself. (Negative comments were made at times when I wasn't feeing great about being me.. unless it is coming from my mom and that's just how my mother is) Anyone who knows me quickly learns that I'm a pretty confident and independent person. That's just me and how I've had to be in life. I don't let many visibly bring me down. (They do, I just normally don't let it show. Or try not to.) So then I have to reevaluate... do these girls make comments in a negative manner about my looks because they are disgusted by them or do they make the comments because I am so confident about myself? Do others make comments about those they see as disgusting, for whatever reason, because they envy the confidence level of that person?
Self reflection and people watching, especially as a teacher, has led me to know that people will often turn things on others and blame others for issues. Kid gets a bad grade and feels bad about it, turns on the kid who got the A and tries to make sure they feel bad about that A too. Someone in an unhappy relationship tries to make others feel bad about their healthy relationship or at least question it. We do it all the time! "Oh, you're going to the beach on vacation?! Oh, well I heard about the jellyfish/weather/sharks/bugs/area/people/etc. were bad there." We try to steal their happiness to make up for our own lack of happiness. I'm guilty of it too! The first step is admitting you have a problem!
So, here is what I have been working on... building people up. Let's stop tearing people down. Let's stop judging. Let's allow people to be open and honest and not interfere with their feelings. If you see or think of something positive to say, say it! If they are upset help them out. Lift them up. Don't thrive off their misery. And if they are happy and excited and joyous? Do NOT take that away from them! Don't ruin their confidence/happiness/excitement just to make yourself feel better. Don't do it. If you can't be happy for them then figure out what in your life is preventing you from being happy for them and either do something to change it or accept it as it is and move on. It may not happen over night, but get over it!
I've slowly been working on this and I have to say, (minus this week) I have been a happier person overall. Try it. Try to see things from a different perspective and not judging people. That includes the car that cut you off, the person who takes forever ringing up your groceries (PAINFULLY slow just so you know... and was upsetting to stand in line forever to get the slowest cashier and it could have ruined my day but instead I wondered if she HAD to be working and that was the job she could do. She was older maybe stocking or something else wouldn't work out. Then instead of anger and frustration at her I was upset with the situation and felt bad for her and hope she is accomplishing what she needs to.), the student who acts like a jerk sometimes, everyone who upsets us in some way or even causes us to be jealous of something... stop. Be happy.
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