Let’s Try This Again

Ironically I’m back on public transit, on my phone and posting this. Just looked back at the last post and some themes seem odd exist...

First, I am rocking day 4 of no processed sugars. I have a new goal, but more on that in a minute, and it has given me something to strive for. And I REALLY want to meet that goal!

Second, I was thinking this morning about how I may be rocking it this time because I’m not on my period or starting my period. If I can get in the habit BEFORE all the massive cravings happen that should help. Posted about that in the last post too!

So, this new goal you ask? Ok. I want to get to 20% body fat. 15% is dangerous for women and 18% can start to have negative effects for some. I figure 20% should be alright and is already a lofty goal. Not impossible, just going to need to work for it. And so far I am and am staying motivated!

What started this? Well, I read an article someone shared on twitter and want to post about that, but that’s another day. Part of it talks about overweight people knowing what to do but not doing it. I don’t see myself as overweight but my BMI says I am and studies somewhere have to link that to health issues. So I figured it  is time to buckle down again and just do it!

This morning I woke up and went to check the time but my phone wouldn’t light up. It was 3:46am. I had set an alarm for 3:45 but the phone wouldn’t turn on so... no snooze for me! I got up and went to the gym. Did my workout and off to work I went. But I am stopping on my way home for an alarm clock; the phone is beyond trust. (Factory reset seems to have fixed errors but I’m not going to trust it.)

Currently I am at 36% body fat and 167ish lbs. I did some math and if I just lose fat I will need to lose just under 30 pounds. That’s a little intimidating and puts me at a REALLY low weight. I’m not sure I’d look healthy at that weight so the plan isn’t to replace some of that fat with muscle. This will be achieved by weights/CrossFit style workouts 3 days a week. After a month to adjust to that November will begin three day weights/workouts with 2 days of cardio. I signed up for the marathon relay again and want to get into better shape for it. Once life calms down I’d like to start doing more 5k’s again too. So cardio needs to be worked in.

Other than that I’m going for a more strict Paleo style diet and seeing how it goes. So far, not bad. I did eat BBQ sauce yesterday though that I know had sugars in it... but I did limit the amount! I also discovered my afternoon headaches are probably caused by my lack of salt so salted nuts are now in my drawer to snack on. They aren’t my favorite but I will gladly take them over headaches any day.

So, hopefully this time I can stick with the updates and actually have things to update on. We shall see.

Happy Monday!

The Downside of Losing Weight

So everyone thinks losing weight is all happiness right? I mean you feel better, you look better, you feel you look better, you are happier, you're healthier (for most of us, not always is losing weight healthy). Why should anyone be upset about dropping a few pounds?!

Ask my bank account.

So the food isn't as cheap as all the junk I used to eat. I know. PB&J's are cheaper than actually cooking. Eating the amount of meat I have been in the last few weeks isn't cheap, not to mention trying to eat fruits and veggies too. But, I shop when things are on sale and base my meals around that. I buy in larger amounts when there is a good deal and freeze it. I am trying to make extras of stuff to freeze also. For example: ground beef was on sale last week, so was ground turkey, so I made four pounds worth of meatballs and froze them. Now I have quick weeknight meal when I need one. The fiance's vacuum sealer he received from me for Christmas is getting used, that's for sure.

If it isn't the food then what could it be?!

Clothes.

Remember back this summer when I was avoiding buying clothes at all costs? Remember that "friend" who told me it is dumb to not want to buy clothes that fit? Yeah, that was because I wanted to lose the weight and didn't want to spend the money just to shrink out of the new clothes. I don't have money to just flush down the drain like that.

Well, I broke down and purchased some new jeans and dress pants. A couple shirts were also thrown in. Now? Now I can't fit them. The dress pants fall off of me. The stretch denim capris are baggy. The workout pants are loose and fall off!!! I have a pair of dress pants that I found in the closet that needed to be hemmed. I've worn them once... now TOO BIG. Just this morning I found another pair of jeans I forgot I had purchased because they also needed to be hemmed... I'm sure they don't fit anymore either!

Now what do I do?! I need a third job just to pay for a new wardrobe that fits!

Current plan is to have a yard sale and sell my wardrobe to help pay for a new one. We will see how that goes...

Spring? *updated*

It is hard to remember that it is still winter. We are in the "Spring Semester" and the weather is wonderful! I'm sure it will change again shortly but for now it is hard to remember that it isn't officially spring. Now, the spring semester is when I seem to get the busiest. Weekends are booked and busy along with evenings and week days. I didn't even look to see when the last time I had a moment to blog was.

I'm still doing alright with the workouts. Minus the illness of last weekend (flu is no fun) I have been going on a semi-regular basis. It is challenging when I'm not home in the mornings or am getting behind on grading and HAVE to get grades updated.

In the diet area I have been slacking. I have gotten in the habit of allowing myself food I shouldn't have once a week. That turned into once a week and anytime I was in a hurry. That turned into anytime I kind of wanted food I shouldn't have. Last weekend I was chaperoning a field trip and rather than packing food I opted to eat the food there and what we bought the kids. I ate WAY too much pizza on Friday night which led to waking up feeling HORRIBLE and puking. It was one of those situations where I didn't want to puke but knew it would make me feel so much better if I did. Then I ended up puking and was asking myself why I hadn't just done that earlier. I regretted eating pizza so much since I was assuming it was just my body rejecting all the gluten and cheese and grease and butter and garlic and... I'm getting an upset stomach just talking about it.

Well, turns out one of the teachers I work with had a kid down with a 24 hour stomach bug. I then determined that must be my issue when I had completely emptied my stomach and was still puking. But, everything tasted like pizza for 24 hours and I am now against pizza. I don't even really want a tomato sauce on anything yet either.

So I decided it was the kick in the pants that I needed. My weight loss has stopped and I know it is the diet. I also haven't been feeling great. I haven't been liking my job. I have noticed a lot going downhill in my attitude so it is time to get back on track. I know food leads to a lot of this. Also, my dog has been diagnosed with diabetes so in researching that more I have been reflecting on my own diet and blood sugar fluctuations. I want so much to get back to being fat adapted! So, March 1st I started a Whole 30. Three days have been good so far and I have some food plans for this week laid out. Already I have dropped about 6 lbs. Inches are about the same, but I have dropped some weight.

Then I got curious when I was looking back at how much I weighed and decided to pull up the original picture from when I started Crossfit. I found it was the end of March (I thought it was the beginning) when I started Crossfit and took some new pictures. I see some changes but nothing that dramatic. I'm still really proud of myself and what I've accomplished. The fact that I can do some of the workouts without feeling like I'm going to die is a great feeling! Also, I'm working towards a 10k distance and it is a good feeling to be able to get on a treadmill and do a walk/run training program and complete almost 3 miles in my last 5k time. And that includes walking!!!

**Update**
After posting this I went on about what I was doing and stumbled upon a post that led me to ask a friend about the former friend who I am no longer friends with. She is going through a very exciting time in her life and I had mixed feelings. I'm sad that I'm not there to experience it all with her. I thought about sending her a message but I have thought about this in the past and don't want to open that can of worms. I thought about sending her a card just to let her know that I'm excited for her but again, I don't want to open that can of worms. She could get the card and find it a nice gesture and go on with her life. She could get the card and want to start talking again. She could get the card and it could fire back up all the bad feelings towards me. She could fire up those feelings and lash out. These go from ideal to what I am completely trying to avoid in the first place. So I was having mixed emotions and decided to just wait and see what I feel in a few days. As I closed all my browser windows there were my two pictures I made part of this post.

Suddenly I see a HUGE difference. I see myself as a much happier person. Instead of focusing on where I don't want to be I focus on how close to where I want to be I actually am. I work and change the world daily. I'm planning a wedding to a guy that makes me smile and makes me happier than I could have ever imagined. I bought a dress that I LOVE and adore and can't believe I will actually be getting married in. I am counting down the days to when I get to spend every day with my husband. I have stress but it is stress related to MY life. I don't let others stress me out as much. Even listening to the people I used to work with I realize all we ever did was complain and now I am WAY more positive and choose to focus on the positives.

THIS I don't ever want to give up. This, sadly, I think is all directly related to losing someone I called my best friend. I always tried my hardest to help her be happy and at the same time I lost my own happiness. As I said then and still say, losing her as a friend isn't about her, it is all about me. It has been too long since I have actually focused on me and worked more on becoming who I want to be rather than trying to be the one who helps everyone else.

I found that I had saved this picture while looking for my "before" photo and I think it says it all.

Now I see someone in the current picture who is figuring out how to swim on the surface again. THAT is why I started Crossfit and working on myself. THAT is why I gave up the friend I was closest to in the whole world. THAT is why I continue this journey. It isn't about weight or numbers or looks, it is about how I feel. Always has been, always will be.... be about me.

You Win Some, You Lose Some

Last week I set the goal of eating all Whole30 or at least Paleo to help kick the sugar issues that I have and to get back on track. This has sort of been my whole goal since Halloween time but last week I said it was going to happen! Two weeks till Thanksgiving break, a trip, a turkey, and all the overeating that goes with the above. So, two weeks to reset and make better choices to hopefully help curb all the bad habits over break.

Well, last week was a horrible week when examined up close but when I step back it was actually a great week. Up close it included some late nights at school to get grading and other things taken care of, some crazy time where kids were building constantly on their projects, an election that has led to the worry of a possible pay cuts (definitely not getting raises next year) based on not passing some school funding items, and some really stressful times. But, when I step back I see a week where kids were able to create unexplainable project pieces, rock a presentation to their parents, cook some great food for teachers, and overall show that they are great and why I do what I do.

That being said I was invited to Pizza and Punch by students in the FACS class. I was ecstatic because all of last year I never received an invite for their days to cook for teachers and this year I was invited right away! How can you turn down a chance to sit with students who want you to be there and eat some delicious pizza? It was amazing! Just... it wasn't paleo...

Then Thursday came along. I was tired, had cramps, a to do list a mile long, and just wanted to curl up and go back to bed. Instead I had to be at school, had to get a video made, round up photos, organize some stuff, and put on a happy face until 8pm while students showed off their projects. So, when the math teacher walked in with donuts I may have eaten one... or four... throughout the day. Then, for dinner the other teachers who ran to the store to get sides for our pulled pork brought back cheesecake and berries. How could I resist?! It was a rough, emotional day. Friday I may have helped finish off more cheesecake even though I'm not proud of it.

So, I had some wins in that I kept the cravings down until the end of the week. I even went to the candy drawer, dug through it, and none of the candy sounded good so I closed it and walked away. But I did give in at the end of the week big time!

This week is a new week and everyday is a new day. Today I saw 169 on the scale for the second time in a week. That is a HUGE win!!! I will take it and use it as incentive to keep going. :)

So today I was better at getting my workout in, drinking more water, and avoiding the last of the cheesecake along with other things I shouldn't eat.

More Losses!

So first I have to get off my chest that I am not happy about school today. It is yet another team meeting day and yet again what we said as teachers is being twisted around into something we would never say. On top of that I have a tough class. In the class I have 4 boys who are down right disrespectful but in a way that you can't pinpoint. They do things like laugh when I turn to write on the board and say nothing when you ask them what they are laughing at. They constantly have a response to EVERYTHING! It could be a comment to something said. I could be a comment (generally an echo from 3-4 of them) when I get on to one of them for something. It can be continuously tapping pencils on the table even after being told to stop. And every time I get on to them for it they just love it and build off of it. I've tried the ignore it tactic, it gets worse. I've tried the 3 strikes you're out system and it works to a point but there is a fine line as to what is worthy of a strike and what isn't. That's the hardest part!!! The things they do aren't really things to write them up for. I can't put on a slip that the kid was laughing in class so they should have detention. I can't say the kid shouldn't respond with "yes Ms. B" when I ask them to stop tapping their pencil. But it is in the way they do it. Ugh... I dread the class and yet the same kids have the greatest potential to be my favorite class. They just seem like they have something to prove and I'm not sure to who.

Anyway... some wins! or should I say losses?

First I actually rode my bike to school today! Yay!! It has been awhile. It was a little rough but I did it. That is something that Crossfit doesn't prepare your muscles for in case you were wondering.

Since it is the beginning of October it is time to take some body measurements. :) Since trying to use my food/workout journal I have been limiting myself to only at the beginning of the month can I do body measurements. Weight is different but I've also come to terms with it being more of a number and less of a sign of changes. So today I did my measurements... (insert drumroll)

Gains: +0.5" on flexed upper left arm
No Change: Chest (relaxed and expanded), Neck, Shoulders, Right Upper Arm (flexed/relaxed), and Left Upper Arm (relaxed), Right Upper Thigh

Decreases!!!!
Weight -2.8 lbs
BMI -.44
Waist-hip Ratio -0.01
Waist -1"
Stomach -1.5"
Hips -.75"
Forearms (relaxed/flexed) avg -0.5"
Right Lower Thigh -2"
Left Lower Thigh -1.5"
Left Upper Thigh -.5"
Left/Right Calf -1"

That's right... my calves lost an inch each! Perhaps cute boots are in my future?