Spring? *updated*

It is hard to remember that it is still winter. We are in the "Spring Semester" and the weather is wonderful! I'm sure it will change again shortly but for now it is hard to remember that it isn't officially spring. Now, the spring semester is when I seem to get the busiest. Weekends are booked and busy along with evenings and week days. I didn't even look to see when the last time I had a moment to blog was.

I'm still doing alright with the workouts. Minus the illness of last weekend (flu is no fun) I have been going on a semi-regular basis. It is challenging when I'm not home in the mornings or am getting behind on grading and HAVE to get grades updated.

In the diet area I have been slacking. I have gotten in the habit of allowing myself food I shouldn't have once a week. That turned into once a week and anytime I was in a hurry. That turned into anytime I kind of wanted food I shouldn't have. Last weekend I was chaperoning a field trip and rather than packing food I opted to eat the food there and what we bought the kids. I ate WAY too much pizza on Friday night which led to waking up feeling HORRIBLE and puking. It was one of those situations where I didn't want to puke but knew it would make me feel so much better if I did. Then I ended up puking and was asking myself why I hadn't just done that earlier. I regretted eating pizza so much since I was assuming it was just my body rejecting all the gluten and cheese and grease and butter and garlic and... I'm getting an upset stomach just talking about it.

Well, turns out one of the teachers I work with had a kid down with a 24 hour stomach bug. I then determined that must be my issue when I had completely emptied my stomach and was still puking. But, everything tasted like pizza for 24 hours and I am now against pizza. I don't even really want a tomato sauce on anything yet either.

So I decided it was the kick in the pants that I needed. My weight loss has stopped and I know it is the diet. I also haven't been feeling great. I haven't been liking my job. I have noticed a lot going downhill in my attitude so it is time to get back on track. I know food leads to a lot of this. Also, my dog has been diagnosed with diabetes so in researching that more I have been reflecting on my own diet and blood sugar fluctuations. I want so much to get back to being fat adapted! So, March 1st I started a Whole 30. Three days have been good so far and I have some food plans for this week laid out. Already I have dropped about 6 lbs. Inches are about the same, but I have dropped some weight.

Then I got curious when I was looking back at how much I weighed and decided to pull up the original picture from when I started Crossfit. I found it was the end of March (I thought it was the beginning) when I started Crossfit and took some new pictures. I see some changes but nothing that dramatic. I'm still really proud of myself and what I've accomplished. The fact that I can do some of the workouts without feeling like I'm going to die is a great feeling! Also, I'm working towards a 10k distance and it is a good feeling to be able to get on a treadmill and do a walk/run training program and complete almost 3 miles in my last 5k time. And that includes walking!!!

**Update**
After posting this I went on about what I was doing and stumbled upon a post that led me to ask a friend about the former friend who I am no longer friends with. She is going through a very exciting time in her life and I had mixed feelings. I'm sad that I'm not there to experience it all with her. I thought about sending her a message but I have thought about this in the past and don't want to open that can of worms. I thought about sending her a card just to let her know that I'm excited for her but again, I don't want to open that can of worms. She could get the card and find it a nice gesture and go on with her life. She could get the card and want to start talking again. She could get the card and it could fire back up all the bad feelings towards me. She could fire up those feelings and lash out. These go from ideal to what I am completely trying to avoid in the first place. So I was having mixed emotions and decided to just wait and see what I feel in a few days. As I closed all my browser windows there were my two pictures I made part of this post.

Suddenly I see a HUGE difference. I see myself as a much happier person. Instead of focusing on where I don't want to be I focus on how close to where I want to be I actually am. I work and change the world daily. I'm planning a wedding to a guy that makes me smile and makes me happier than I could have ever imagined. I bought a dress that I LOVE and adore and can't believe I will actually be getting married in. I am counting down the days to when I get to spend every day with my husband. I have stress but it is stress related to MY life. I don't let others stress me out as much. Even listening to the people I used to work with I realize all we ever did was complain and now I am WAY more positive and choose to focus on the positives.

THIS I don't ever want to give up. This, sadly, I think is all directly related to losing someone I called my best friend. I always tried my hardest to help her be happy and at the same time I lost my own happiness. As I said then and still say, losing her as a friend isn't about her, it is all about me. It has been too long since I have actually focused on me and worked more on becoming who I want to be rather than trying to be the one who helps everyone else.

I found that I had saved this picture while looking for my "before" photo and I think it says it all.

Now I see someone in the current picture who is figuring out how to swim on the surface again. THAT is why I started Crossfit and working on myself. THAT is why I gave up the friend I was closest to in the whole world. THAT is why I continue this journey. It isn't about weight or numbers or looks, it is about how I feel. Always has been, always will be.... be about me.

Plan, meet Wrench

So, huge wrench was thrown in all sorts of plans last week... Let me begin with the good first. :)

Wednesday I went on a hike. A BEAUTIFUL hike. It has been one year since the bf and I became pretty much inseparable so we decided to both take off work and go on a hike we were going to do almost a year ago but hadn't gotten to yet. It was only 1.2 miles but in that you gain 1,000 ft. It was some steep trail and not the easiest at times.

Hanging Lake, CO

The water was SO CLEAR!!!

Changing Leaves of CO

Then I brag... cause I didn't really ever get winded! I felt leg day from the Friday and Monday before, but I could easily stop for maybe 30 seconds and be fine to go again! I also could still walk at the end of the day, and even the next. #winning

That evening the bf came with me to ASL class and was bored out of his mind but has suddenly started teaching me way more signs! I like it. We ended the evening at the Cheesecake Factory where I ate my weight in food and then we shared a piece of cheesecake and took one to go for the weekend. Overall it was a great day and I loved every minute of it. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Then comes #fail... nothing like taking a sick day only to wake up sick the next day.

Yep, Thursday I started to get sick. Friday was worse. Saturday was the peak of all that is horrible. Sore throat, stuffy nose, pressure everywhere, upset stomach from drainage, all of it... Sunday I began to feel a little better but it was now all in the sinus areas and trying to choke me. Luckily I have an awesome bf who let me lay in his relining couch spot all weekend and waited on me hand and foot. He even came to cuddle with me when I asked him to so I could sleep. It seemed the only way I slept during the day was if he was holding me. He let me watch whatever I wanted on tv and never complained and cooked all sorts of good food for me even though I couldn't taste it. I think he is a keeper!

Then comes today.

Today was rough. I felt better but it was a day where struggling to breathe and talk gives you a headache. As I was going through the lesson ideas I had for today I was dreading doing notes with the kids because that meant I would have to talk all day long. So instead I gave them a day to do the homework I would normally assign and give them 3 days for because it is kind of long. Then I was touched... kids really do have a heart and worked without issues on the assignment the entire hour. It was awesome and makes my heart happy. Then I left knowing I could come home and rest and be lazy.

THEN... I checked my email to find a student with high anxiety and over planned freaking out. Checked out some info and think it might be more than my class so replied to her about that. Then sent a note to the team as a heads up. Then went to deposit some checks and found that the last one I deposited didn't go through? Ugh. So sent the bank a message. No clue what I did with the check either. Oops. Checked the time as my internet was slowing and saw it was after 7... I REALLY need to call and complain about paying almost $50 for 1.5 Mbps internet. This is NOT ok... give me a promo rate again or I'm switching to a provider advertising 25 Mbps for $50. BIG difference there. But alas, it was too late to call. Which also means it is too late to call the other bank that I need to call and too late to call and cancel the milk man order because $11 for a gallon of OJ and a dozen eggs in a month is a little high. I don't use it enough anymore to justify it.

AND... to top it all off, I want to go work out. I miss it. And I'm doing so great at it! And I have a 5k in two weeks. And yet I can't even seem to walk a flight of stairs without feeling like I need a nap and fill tissues with snot all day long. Maybe I will take the pup on a walk in the morning if I'm feeling up to it before I go to school? I need to do something but I get so exhausted so easily.

And then there is the diet part... Yeah... not too proud to say my dinner tonight consisted of a bag of potato chips. But, I'm also at a place where I'm kind of thinking eating any food is better than nothing which is what I'm actually hungry for. I know I need to eat so I do force myself to... I just can't seem to force myself to cook or plan a meal.

So today I'm doing better on the illness front than yesterday and gaining my strength back one day at a time... but this is all a big wrench in the plan on keeping on track.

21 Days

So, I added up the number of days that I did exercise for at least 30 minutes! In the month of August with school starting and getting back into a routine and a crazy diet I managed 21 days of exercise. That's 68% of the days. I remember in college when I rewarded myself for 15 days and I just blew that out of the water. Last week I worked out 6 of the 7 days! This week I was doing pretty good until getting just plain worn out and have 3/4 days. Tomorrow is undecided... Monday is a holiday and the gym is closed. Plus I'm going out of town for the weekend and although will hopefully get to walk around a lot and hopefully do some shopping, I won't be able to really do my workouts or treadmill time. I still need to pack though and it is either get up early and pack or pack in a rush after school as I'm late to leave. I will probably do both but that means treadmill time because there is no way I'm making it to the gym AND getting any packing in... out of bed at 4 am is just crazy talk.

I'm also pretty sure I'm fighting off something. My ears and jaw are bothering me along with just being wiped out. So I figure it is better to slack off for a few days to make sure I can fight off whatever this is. Last thing I need is to get sick and then not be able to work out at all. I'm just starting to really enjoy it. I've found a gym I like. I like challenging myself to see if I can finish the workouts. I have a good trivia podcast I like to listen to. I am liking it. It is helping me I think too. Now if only the house and laundry would clean themselves...