Let’s Try This Again

Ironically I’m back on public transit, on my phone and posting this. Just looked back at the last post and some themes seem odd exist...

First, I am rocking day 4 of no processed sugars. I have a new goal, but more on that in a minute, and it has given me something to strive for. And I REALLY want to meet that goal!

Second, I was thinking this morning about how I may be rocking it this time because I’m not on my period or starting my period. If I can get in the habit BEFORE all the massive cravings happen that should help. Posted about that in the last post too!

So, this new goal you ask? Ok. I want to get to 20% body fat. 15% is dangerous for women and 18% can start to have negative effects for some. I figure 20% should be alright and is already a lofty goal. Not impossible, just going to need to work for it. And so far I am and am staying motivated!

What started this? Well, I read an article someone shared on twitter and want to post about that, but that’s another day. Part of it talks about overweight people knowing what to do but not doing it. I don’t see myself as overweight but my BMI says I am and studies somewhere have to link that to health issues. So I figured it  is time to buckle down again and just do it!

This morning I woke up and went to check the time but my phone wouldn’t light up. It was 3:46am. I had set an alarm for 3:45 but the phone wouldn’t turn on so... no snooze for me! I got up and went to the gym. Did my workout and off to work I went. But I am stopping on my way home for an alarm clock; the phone is beyond trust. (Factory reset seems to have fixed errors but I’m not going to trust it.)

Currently I am at 36% body fat and 167ish lbs. I did some math and if I just lose fat I will need to lose just under 30 pounds. That’s a little intimidating and puts me at a REALLY low weight. I’m not sure I’d look healthy at that weight so the plan isn’t to replace some of that fat with muscle. This will be achieved by weights/CrossFit style workouts 3 days a week. After a month to adjust to that November will begin three day weights/workouts with 2 days of cardio. I signed up for the marathon relay again and want to get into better shape for it. Once life calms down I’d like to start doing more 5k’s again too. So cardio needs to be worked in.

Other than that I’m going for a more strict Paleo style diet and seeing how it goes. So far, not bad. I did eat BBQ sauce yesterday though that I know had sugars in it... but I did limit the amount! I also discovered my afternoon headaches are probably caused by my lack of salt so salted nuts are now in my drawer to snack on. They aren’t my favorite but I will gladly take them over headaches any day.

So, hopefully this time I can stick with the updates and actually have things to update on. We shall see.

Happy Monday!

Something that's been bothering me...

So, it is "that" week. Girls know the one I'm talking about.... For me that means thinking about EVERYTHING and mulling over it a million times. Often I go back to the day I couldn't handle the girl I called my best friend. (Mind you she always called someone else her best friend but was sure to let me know that I was a better friend than the other girl was most days.)

See... this is what happens... stupid side tangents...

On that day she mentioned how people look at her and are disgusted by her weight/looks. About how people make comments about how fat and ugly she is. How a kid drove by 9 years ago and yelled at her something about Jenny Craig. How I don't know what it is like to have people make comments because they don't like my body. (disclaimer: this is my brain this week, it could have changed the actual events)

So I've been pondering about it and I have realized something... I do know. It has happened to me. As a matter of fact it happened from her. And then came this realization...

You don't have to be fat for people to think you look disgusting.

I have honestly never thought I was "fat." I've never claimed that. There have been times where I think I could lose a few pounds. When I would feel better if I was in better shape. All that... But I've never thought I've been fat. (My BMI says otherwise, I think it uses the term "obese")

Looking back she had always made comments about how I didn't need to lose weight. How I looked amazing. I was even too skinny at one point. (I was pretty darn skinny Freshman year of high school) Most of these were comments made in support. In the last year of our friendship though I feel like some became less supportive. (Again, it could all be in my brain) Then I got to thinking about it and see people all the time make comments, smiling, and then turn around and drop the smile to be envious. They honestly find it disgusting that you aren't fat. That you just look good and think it comes so easy to you. They judge you for how you look and blame you for judging them even if you don't.

Have I ever looked at a picture and said, "Woah, she/he got big?" Yeah. I can't lie and say I haven't. Except for one person (an ex) I have NEVER said it because they look disgusting. It is more of a comment of shock because the person I knew, the person I thought they were, valued their self more.  I don't think people gain weight because they don't value their self, there are always other factors that play a role. I think what becomes more apparent is how uncomfortable they look like they feel being in the picture and you can see that they don't look at their whole self the same or value it the same anymore. It is more of a shock to see their confidence gone. THAT is what makes me sad and disgusted.

Then I look back and all the times I felt remarks were made about my weight or how good I look in a judging manner was when I was feeling most confident about myself. (Negative comments were made at times when I wasn't feeing great about being me.. unless it is coming from my mom and that's just how my mother is) Anyone who knows me quickly learns that I'm a pretty confident and independent person. That's just me and how I've had to be in life. I don't let many visibly bring me down. (They do, I just normally don't let it show. Or try not to.) So then I have to reevaluate... do these girls make comments in a negative manner about my looks because they are disgusted by them or do they make the comments because I am so confident about myself? Do others make comments about those they see as disgusting, for whatever reason, because they envy the confidence level of that person?

Self reflection and people watching, especially as a teacher, has led me to know that people will often turn things on others and blame others for issues. Kid gets a bad grade and feels bad about it, turns on the kid who got the A and tries to make sure they feel bad about that A too. Someone in an unhappy relationship tries to make others feel bad about their healthy relationship or at least question it. We do it all the time! "Oh, you're going to the beach on vacation?! Oh, well I heard about the jellyfish/weather/sharks/bugs/area/people/etc. were bad there." We try to steal their happiness to make up for our own lack of happiness. I'm guilty of it too! The first step is admitting you have a problem!

So, here is what I have been working on... building people up. Let's stop tearing people down. Let's stop judging. Let's allow people to be open and honest and not interfere with their feelings. If you see or think of something positive to say, say it! If they are upset help them out. Lift them up. Don't thrive off their misery. And if they are happy and excited and joyous? Do NOT take that away from them! Don't ruin their confidence/happiness/excitement just to make yourself feel better. Don't do it. If you can't be happy for them then figure out what in your life is preventing you from being happy for them and either do something to change it or accept it as it is and move on. It may not happen over night, but get over it!

I've slowly been working on this and I have to say, (minus this week) I have been a happier person overall. Try it. Try to see things from a different perspective and not judging people. That includes the car that cut you off, the person who takes forever ringing up your groceries (PAINFULLY slow just so you know... and was upsetting to stand in line forever to get the slowest cashier and it could have ruined my day but instead I wondered if she HAD to be working and that was the job she could do. She was older  maybe stocking or something else wouldn't work out. Then instead of anger and frustration at her I was upset with the situation and felt bad for her and hope she is accomplishing what she needs to.), the student who acts like a jerk sometimes, everyone who upsets us in some way or even causes us to be jealous of something... stop. Be happy.

As Perscribed...

Today I did my first WOD Rx.

That's right. I did the whole workout as prescribed.

It was my very first time to Rx a workout and I couldn't be more proud. The workout was a 7 min AMRAP (as many rounds as possible) of 10 burpees ending in a jump on a weight followed by a farmers carry at 25# each hand around the building. I managed to do 2 rounds with 6 extra burpees. Not a lot, the max was three or just over three, but I finished it as prescribed.

Now, even bigger than doing the workout Rx is the fact that I did burpees. I did 10 in a row each time and only had to stop to pull up my pants! I survived burpees and they didn't even seem that bad!!! THEN I did the extra 4 min row!

That is exciting. That is one of the benefits of getting into shape. Who cares if I can ever fit into a "small" size again, I can do so many more things!!!! I am strong. I am almost "in shape." (I think I could have a little more endurance for somethings like running and such) I am me and couldn't be more proud.

More Losses!

So first I have to get off my chest that I am not happy about school today. It is yet another team meeting day and yet again what we said as teachers is being twisted around into something we would never say. On top of that I have a tough class. In the class I have 4 boys who are down right disrespectful but in a way that you can't pinpoint. They do things like laugh when I turn to write on the board and say nothing when you ask them what they are laughing at. They constantly have a response to EVERYTHING! It could be a comment to something said. I could be a comment (generally an echo from 3-4 of them) when I get on to one of them for something. It can be continuously tapping pencils on the table even after being told to stop. And every time I get on to them for it they just love it and build off of it. I've tried the ignore it tactic, it gets worse. I've tried the 3 strikes you're out system and it works to a point but there is a fine line as to what is worthy of a strike and what isn't. That's the hardest part!!! The things they do aren't really things to write them up for. I can't put on a slip that the kid was laughing in class so they should have detention. I can't say the kid shouldn't respond with "yes Ms. B" when I ask them to stop tapping their pencil. But it is in the way they do it. Ugh... I dread the class and yet the same kids have the greatest potential to be my favorite class. They just seem like they have something to prove and I'm not sure to who.

Anyway... some wins! or should I say losses?

First I actually rode my bike to school today! Yay!! It has been awhile. It was a little rough but I did it. That is something that Crossfit doesn't prepare your muscles for in case you were wondering.

Since it is the beginning of October it is time to take some body measurements. :) Since trying to use my food/workout journal I have been limiting myself to only at the beginning of the month can I do body measurements. Weight is different but I've also come to terms with it being more of a number and less of a sign of changes. So today I did my measurements... (insert drumroll)

Gains: +0.5" on flexed upper left arm
No Change: Chest (relaxed and expanded), Neck, Shoulders, Right Upper Arm (flexed/relaxed), and Left Upper Arm (relaxed), Right Upper Thigh

Decreases!!!!
Weight -2.8 lbs
BMI -.44
Waist-hip Ratio -0.01
Waist -1"
Stomach -1.5"
Hips -.75"
Forearms (relaxed/flexed) avg -0.5"
Right Lower Thigh -2"
Left Lower Thigh -1.5"
Left Upper Thigh -.5"
Left/Right Calf -1"

That's right... my calves lost an inch each! Perhaps cute boots are in my future?