The Downside of Losing Weight

So everyone thinks losing weight is all happiness right? I mean you feel better, you look better, you feel you look better, you are happier, you're healthier (for most of us, not always is losing weight healthy). Why should anyone be upset about dropping a few pounds?!

Ask my bank account.

So the food isn't as cheap as all the junk I used to eat. I know. PB&J's are cheaper than actually cooking. Eating the amount of meat I have been in the last few weeks isn't cheap, not to mention trying to eat fruits and veggies too. But, I shop when things are on sale and base my meals around that. I buy in larger amounts when there is a good deal and freeze it. I am trying to make extras of stuff to freeze also. For example: ground beef was on sale last week, so was ground turkey, so I made four pounds worth of meatballs and froze them. Now I have quick weeknight meal when I need one. The fiance's vacuum sealer he received from me for Christmas is getting used, that's for sure.

If it isn't the food then what could it be?!

Clothes.

Remember back this summer when I was avoiding buying clothes at all costs? Remember that "friend" who told me it is dumb to not want to buy clothes that fit? Yeah, that was because I wanted to lose the weight and didn't want to spend the money just to shrink out of the new clothes. I don't have money to just flush down the drain like that.

Well, I broke down and purchased some new jeans and dress pants. A couple shirts were also thrown in. Now? Now I can't fit them. The dress pants fall off of me. The stretch denim capris are baggy. The workout pants are loose and fall off!!! I have a pair of dress pants that I found in the closet that needed to be hemmed. I've worn them once... now TOO BIG. Just this morning I found another pair of jeans I forgot I had purchased because they also needed to be hemmed... I'm sure they don't fit anymore either!

Now what do I do?! I need a third job just to pay for a new wardrobe that fits!

Current plan is to have a yard sale and sell my wardrobe to help pay for a new one. We will see how that goes...

Whole30 Go For it!

I have been following a strict Whole 30 diet for the whole month of March (so far). I was feeling better but now my stomach is messed up. I think it has to do with candida again.

I haven't actually had any terrible cravings. One night I wanted something sweet so I stopped at the store and picked up some bananas and frozen fruit for a smoothie. I have taken a real liking to frozen fruit, a banana, and some coconut milk to make a smoothie. In the morning I decided to add some cocoa powder to mix it up a little. It has been a LONG time since I have made brownies, but I'm pretty sure my brain thought I was drinking the batter! It was SOOOOOO GOOOOD!!!!

Since this summer I have lost 20 lbs. That's right, 20 lbs. Someone asked me the other day how much I had lost because I was looking so good. (A perk about never seeing your coworkers, they notice differences.) It hit me after I replied, twenty pounds, that HOLY CRAP!!! I've lost TWENTY POUNDS!!! I have never been the one who is always talking about "I just need to lose 10 lbs" or anything like that. But I realized I lost a bag of dog food worth of weight, two large bags of potatoes worth, just less than half my dog worth! No wonder running is easier these days, I'm not carrying a ton of weight around anymore! Also, made me realize just how much weight I had gained in a year.

It has taken a long time, but it sure feels good to be hovering around 162 lbs again. I saw 158 once and am hoping to see it again. This Whole30 thing should continue to help with that goal. I couldn't imagine what I would do if I saw 140 anything.

It is paying off... slowly

The other day I stepped on the scale and saw a number less than 170 for the first time in a long time!!!! A week later I saw it again!!! Now, I know 169.8 isn't a huge win but when I stop and look back I'm down over 10 lbs. Today when I stepped on the scale I saw 167!!! I can remember seeing 183 on the scale (more than one day in a row) and this morning I was down 16 lbs!!! (According to my BMI I should lose another 20, I'd be happy with another 7-10)

What have I been doing?
-Less Stress
-Living Happier
-Focusing on the Positives
-Eating Better
-Following more of the diet I paid good money for the blood test to find out
-Working Out

Overall just being more satisfied with life, decluttering it in many ways, and working to enjoy it. Instead of focusing on the bad I try more to focus on the good. It doesn't always happen, but I try and that is the first step. :)

So, just a quick post about my win today and how my weight is better than yesterday. :) Along with the eating habits...


Oh, AND I wore a skirt today. It is cute, I just don't always wear skirts because I'm a teacher and they make me nervous at times being around 8th grade boys all day... Anyway... wore a skirt all day, spent the whole day walking around the room, did a review game so I had to be on my feet and moving things on the board and everything... It was the last period of the day before I realized I never put deodorant on my thighs. (It is a trick to prevent chafing and if you haven't tried it, you should.) I never put deodorant on my thighs and I had no chafing issues!!!! There are a lot of little payoffs to all this...

Something that's been bothering me...

So, it is "that" week. Girls know the one I'm talking about.... For me that means thinking about EVERYTHING and mulling over it a million times. Often I go back to the day I couldn't handle the girl I called my best friend. (Mind you she always called someone else her best friend but was sure to let me know that I was a better friend than the other girl was most days.)

See... this is what happens... stupid side tangents...

On that day she mentioned how people look at her and are disgusted by her weight/looks. About how people make comments about how fat and ugly she is. How a kid drove by 9 years ago and yelled at her something about Jenny Craig. How I don't know what it is like to have people make comments because they don't like my body. (disclaimer: this is my brain this week, it could have changed the actual events)

So I've been pondering about it and I have realized something... I do know. It has happened to me. As a matter of fact it happened from her. And then came this realization...

You don't have to be fat for people to think you look disgusting.

I have honestly never thought I was "fat." I've never claimed that. There have been times where I think I could lose a few pounds. When I would feel better if I was in better shape. All that... But I've never thought I've been fat. (My BMI says otherwise, I think it uses the term "obese")

Looking back she had always made comments about how I didn't need to lose weight. How I looked amazing. I was even too skinny at one point. (I was pretty darn skinny Freshman year of high school) Most of these were comments made in support. In the last year of our friendship though I feel like some became less supportive. (Again, it could all be in my brain) Then I got to thinking about it and see people all the time make comments, smiling, and then turn around and drop the smile to be envious. They honestly find it disgusting that you aren't fat. That you just look good and think it comes so easy to you. They judge you for how you look and blame you for judging them even if you don't.

Have I ever looked at a picture and said, "Woah, she/he got big?" Yeah. I can't lie and say I haven't. Except for one person (an ex) I have NEVER said it because they look disgusting. It is more of a comment of shock because the person I knew, the person I thought they were, valued their self more.  I don't think people gain weight because they don't value their self, there are always other factors that play a role. I think what becomes more apparent is how uncomfortable they look like they feel being in the picture and you can see that they don't look at their whole self the same or value it the same anymore. It is more of a shock to see their confidence gone. THAT is what makes me sad and disgusted.

Then I look back and all the times I felt remarks were made about my weight or how good I look in a judging manner was when I was feeling most confident about myself. (Negative comments were made at times when I wasn't feeing great about being me.. unless it is coming from my mom and that's just how my mother is) Anyone who knows me quickly learns that I'm a pretty confident and independent person. That's just me and how I've had to be in life. I don't let many visibly bring me down. (They do, I just normally don't let it show. Or try not to.) So then I have to reevaluate... do these girls make comments in a negative manner about my looks because they are disgusted by them or do they make the comments because I am so confident about myself? Do others make comments about those they see as disgusting, for whatever reason, because they envy the confidence level of that person?

Self reflection and people watching, especially as a teacher, has led me to know that people will often turn things on others and blame others for issues. Kid gets a bad grade and feels bad about it, turns on the kid who got the A and tries to make sure they feel bad about that A too. Someone in an unhappy relationship tries to make others feel bad about their healthy relationship or at least question it. We do it all the time! "Oh, you're going to the beach on vacation?! Oh, well I heard about the jellyfish/weather/sharks/bugs/area/people/etc. were bad there." We try to steal their happiness to make up for our own lack of happiness. I'm guilty of it too! The first step is admitting you have a problem!

So, here is what I have been working on... building people up. Let's stop tearing people down. Let's stop judging. Let's allow people to be open and honest and not interfere with their feelings. If you see or think of something positive to say, say it! If they are upset help them out. Lift them up. Don't thrive off their misery. And if they are happy and excited and joyous? Do NOT take that away from them! Don't ruin their confidence/happiness/excitement just to make yourself feel better. Don't do it. If you can't be happy for them then figure out what in your life is preventing you from being happy for them and either do something to change it or accept it as it is and move on. It may not happen over night, but get over it!

I've slowly been working on this and I have to say, (minus this week) I have been a happier person overall. Try it. Try to see things from a different perspective and not judging people. That includes the car that cut you off, the person who takes forever ringing up your groceries (PAINFULLY slow just so you know... and was upsetting to stand in line forever to get the slowest cashier and it could have ruined my day but instead I wondered if she HAD to be working and that was the job she could do. She was older  maybe stocking or something else wouldn't work out. Then instead of anger and frustration at her I was upset with the situation and felt bad for her and hope she is accomplishing what she needs to.), the student who acts like a jerk sometimes, everyone who upsets us in some way or even causes us to be jealous of something... stop. Be happy.