Now What?! and Lovin' the Legs

It is summer!!! I'm done with the year. Kids are off to high school. My room is empty. I'm all checked out for the summer. And now what?!

This year feels weird since I didn't have the normal events along the way. All fall I was worried about Jamaica in January so it became my big marker for the winter instead of Winter Break. Then when you come back and suddenly it is February it doesn't feel normal. The end of the year is normally a time where you begin dreading time with students. You're trying to fill the last few days with meaningful assignments while trying to not create more grading for yourself and not let the kids in on the fact that there really is no reason to keep going in curriculum when you've finished everything and are just killing time. Then there is the mess of locker clean out and last minute grade graveling. I missed three days in the last full week of school and somehow it doesn't seem like summer yet. It is a strange feeling. I will take summer, don't get me wrong, it has been long awaited... but just seems different this year.

Also, I would like to mention I have come to like my legs. :)

While I was at the reception last weekend I wore a short dress. I was sitting at the reception and looked down at one point. My legs, no matter how in shape, have always flattened out when I sit down in shorts or a skirt. They look REALLY large when this happens and often I find myself sitting with my heels up to avoid squishing my thighs against the seat. Or crossing my legs to try and hide the squish a little. This time I looked down and was shocked! My thighs don't squish anymore. Weirdest thing but true. I guess that I have built enough strength in my quads and hamstrings that they just don't flatten out. I knew they were getting less giggle but didn't think this would happen.

Then I went to 8th Grade Continuation this week. Final send off for all the students. I wore a dress I haven't worn in a long time and it is designed to look like a shirt with a high waist pencil skirt. The skirt goes down to just above the knee and it is cute. This time I looked awesome! My arms are still pretty wide when pressed to my side but I learned that if I hold them out slightly it takes off about 10 pounds and you can see slight definition some times. I also wore heels! Man did my legs look good. I even managed to dance in heels for awhile and when I got home I felt amazing. For the first time in a long time I felt great about how I look. My legs make me feel great.

I still struggle with the idea that I can't wear my pants. I had to buy pants and they don't even fit right... but I will still take the win! So although I'm more sore today (workout and dancing in heels) than I was yesterday, I do have to say I also love my legs better than yesterday.

Two Months and a Wedding Reception

It has been two months now of Crossfit. I joined so that I could reach my goal of losing weight and the dress I wore in January not fitting for the reception in May. I fit the dress still. It can be a challenge to zip up over my rib cage (because I will never be able to get that to shrink) and managed to weigh 5 lbs more this morning when I got up. Snacking while driving all day probably didn't help that.

So, I didn't reach either of my goals but I do think the weight will dip back down in a day or two after I get settled back in and get back in a routine. Which will change again soon since I am done with school after Wednesday! Woot! I did notice that the weird side boob fat was gone for the most part. It is weird when I look down or do something and notice the fat by my armpits isn't there anymore. That's something I have had for a LONG time. I'm ok with it being gone, don't get me wrong, but it is just something you never thought you would notice as much.

But for now I will be going back to Crossfit and getting back with the program.I'm kind of dreading it actually. I plan on going on Tuesday and Thursday this week to ease back in after a week of no workouts after a week of one work out after a week of TORTURE! I was supposed to go while I was visiting my home town for the reception but I was lazy. I had been driving all day and just wanted to talk to people and hang out with them since I hadn't seen them in forever. I thought about going this morning but instead I enjoyed a few more minutes in bed before having to get up and spend my last full schedule day with students. This was necessary after a 12 hour drive on Sunday. And, I am camping this weekend so Tues/Thurs will be a nice break. Then I will be missing Monday for the camping trip and will get plenty of hiking done instead. Back on the band wagon on Wednesday.

My new goal is to fit back into my dress pants by Fall so I don't feel bad about having to buy a whole new wardrobe for school. My pants are all getting worn out and should be replaced anyway but I am also still not fitting in my pants. Although I can fit into some shorts from last summer!

I skipped a day...

I skipped Monday's workout. Didn't go in the morning or the evening. There is a little guilt, but I think it was for the best.

Friday's workout was a KILLER!!! Seriously... I did a total of 500 jump ropes, 30 sit-ups, 2 min total of planks (I broke it up), and 200 squats. Needless to say, my quads were BEAT. I then went to school and jumped on a charter bus with the band kids to chaperone their overnight trip. Saturday was when I really started to feel it. I could barely get on the bus without using the hand rails. At one point I grabbed a case of water, got my foot on the first step and then had to yell for one of the parents to come get it from me because I physically could not step up with the extra weight.

Sunday I slept. A lot. I went to bed about 10:30 Saturday night and slept till almost 9 the next morning. Normally I'm up by 7 at the latest. Then I laid down for a nap at about 12:30 and slept till almost 4! I was in bed and asleep by 8:30 that night and slept all the way until 4:45 when my alarm starts to go off for working out. I had convinced myself that I would work through whatever they gave if it wasn't a lot of quad work. When I woke up I saw it was ALL quad work with weight! Yeah, that wasn't happening... I walked the dog for an hour instead. That way I got some exercise and I was able to hopefully loosen the quads a little.

Today I woke up and made sure I went. I looked and it was an "easy" workout so no excuses this time. Also, when I say "easy" work out I mean it is one that will still kick your butt only it is a slow and less quick butt kicking. I survived. 13:30 to do 10 rounds of 10 wallballs and 5 pull-ups. (Jumping pull ups of course but they are easier than before!!!)


Last week I also broke down and bought new pants. I got a pair of dress pants (open house thing next week), a pair of crop pants (something school appropriate since I don't like wearing shorts to school), and a pair of shorts (for chaperoning the field trip). The whole time wearing the crop pants and shorts I fought to keep them up! So annoying when you buy new pants so they fit and they keep falling down. Now I need a new belt.

So far there is some weight loss. I will try to update the measurements I took yesterday and last week. As of right now though I have been EXACTLY the same weight three mornings in a row... strange, But, it is 3 lbs lighter than what was showing on the scale so I will take it!

Today's win is the fact that 5 jumping pull-ups in a row at the end of 10 rounds was a breeze! Way better than yesterday.

Feeling Bipolar & Good Form

I get home from a workout and I feel great! I feel like I could conquer the world. My body feels great. Weights were lifted that I've never lifted before. Nothing I couldn't do!

Step on the scale and see no change. *sigh* It isn't about the number. It isn't about the number. It isn't about the number.

Then I try to get dressed. Which sweater and legging combo do I want today? Oh, today was going to be 76... so now what?! I'll roast in a sweater! This morning I got brave and tried on a pair of dress pants. I checked the sizes of all of them and picked the largest. Before even trying to button them I noticed how tight they are on my thighs. That's what you get when you start getting more quads under your fat right? Then the button.

I did it.


I buttoned them.


Then I zipped them.



DON'T BREATHE OR MOVE A MUSCLE!!!!



Yep, I could button and zip them but I was prepared for the button to fly off and the zipper to rip out at any second. If I never had to move today I would have been fine. Is that realistic? NO! So they came off right away. The capris I used to wear before I lost enough weight to buy the dress pants, so hopefully a larger size, couldn't even get over the bottom half of my thighs.

EVERY feeling of accomplishment goes right out the window. I'm suddenly back to feeling like crap and so frustrated. This is my fifth week of Crossfit and I've seen little results. I did what I wasn't going to until next week and I tried on the dress. The dress that I wore for the wedding in Jamaica in January. The dress that I am supposed to wear again in less than two weeks. THAT dress. AAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDD....... I can't zip it.

Slight meltdown after that one. So now I have been strict with the fasting and diet. The fasting I think made some progress last week but I went out with the bf and his parents for lunch on Sunday. I had a gf pizza and was a little sluggish Monday. Tuesday included some bad gas. The bf was over for dinner so I was polite and didn't expose him to such vapors. It was probably a good thing too because it wasn't just gas that came out later when I farted in the toilet. This morning was a little remaining upset too so I skipped the workout. I didn't want to know what THAT accident felt like... But I did go this evening.

That leads me to my second topic... Good Form.

A few weeks back the usual morning coach mentioned he saw potential in me. I didn't know what to say or how to take that. I'm not always great at accepting compliments and based on the work environment I'm currently in I was waiting for the "but..." I thought it was weird. Then I was thinking that as a newbie and weak and one of the last ones to finish with modified workouts (now I finish before one of the ladies but she does it RX) that is something a coach would say to keep me going. Telling the new girl she might have potential should keep her going right?

Well, today I went to the evening class. (See above for the reason.) I crack up when people ask if they have met me or if I'm new and I tell them I usually work out in the morning. Today was the usual, "Oh, you're one of THOSE people." Cracks me up. Then I am getting ready to leave after finishing the workout last, but not too far behind and with more weight that ever. The coach who I don't know if I have ever met before came up and told me that I had great form?! Maybe I'm good at this thing?

So, I'm back on cloud nine and feeling strong and powerful.... at least until I have to find clothes to wear tomorrow. If it doesn't change then tomorrow I might be clothes shopping... Ugh.

Today my lesson was better than yesterday and watching the kids be excited about it totally made my day and reminded me why I do what I do for so little pay.

I totally schooled a boy

Thursday we took the entire 8th grade on a field trip. It wasn't a long trip, or even a far away place, but it was still a headache. I was put on a bus with some kids from our team that think they're just too cool. The leader decides he's all that and a bag of chips so he puts the window down. Not an issue except is is 33 outside and snowing! 

Me: put the window up. 

Boy A: I'm hot.

Me: Then take off your sweatshirt and put the window up. 

Boy tries to put the window up. Can't get it.

Tries again.

Boy: I can't, it is stuck. 

Me: Well, you better figure it out and get it up. 

Boy still can't close the window. His buddy next to him tries and fails. The boy in the seat in front of him tries, fails. 

Me: Move, I'll do it. 

First try the window goes up. All the boys around at like "ooooooooohhhhh she showed you!" And he lost one chip off his shoulder. Then, I hear a kid behind me say, "it's all that Crossfit!" 

Yes, yes it is. 💪😎

Then we had a debate about if I actually did Crossfit or not because apparently you don't do Crossfit unless you shout it from the rooftops? 

Friday was a killer workout and when I woke up this morning I was a little shocked. I had an itch on my chest kind of by my armpit and it felt weird when I scratched it! There is a muscle where there used to be more fat! 😳 That's exciting! I am a little sore too. My back/shoulder muscles and calves are letting me know they are growing. It is a nice feeing since I'm not getting visual results yet. Next week will be the real test though. I have to try on the dress so I have enough time to make any necessary alterations... 

No matter what, I did more laundry and cleaning today than I have in awhile and I've done a whole month of Crossfit. That's better than yesterday! 

And I went ahead and signed up for 6 more months of it. 

Deadlifts

Today really was an easy workout. It is ironic because I had almost talked myself out of going. This weekend was brutal! We moved all the rock in the front of the house, dug up 5 bushes, planted raspberry bushes, laid weed fabric, and then put all the rocks back. That was just Saturday! Sunday consisted of hanging gutters, planting strawberries in the gutters, fencing the garden off, and transplanting most of the house plants. There are still a few things to do yet but they will have to wait. 

So I had almost convinced myself to just stay home. I had done enough heavy lifting this weekend that I deserved that right? Then came the guilt trip voice about how I am complaining about my weight and wanting to improve and stick this out. So I went. I have been faithful to three days a week since I started official classes, can't break the streak now. 

So today was a short warm up then working on maxing out back squats, strict press, and deadlifts. Back squats are interesting because today is the first day of doing them in a workout. I managed to get to 90 lbs! I really wanted 100 but we ran out of time and I don't know if I could have. The strict press was difficult! But made it up to 60! I went for 65 but that just wasn't happening today. I'm still impressed! 

Then came deadlifts... I can rock the legs so I knew I could get up there in weight. My mental goal was to break 100 for sure! So we started lighter and worked up. By the end I was at my max and had to dig out the calculator!! 155. That's right... I deadlifted 155 lbs of weight! Goal busted! 

On the other front though I'm still frustrated with weight. I cheated this weekend and ate a hamburger and a bun! 😳 For the first time in a long time I didn't think anything of the bun when ordering. Oops. So I ate it. It was so tasty after a long day in the sun working hard. But seriously, will I ever fit real clothes again? Tomorrow is the day to do measurements and so we shall see but I don't think there is much progress there. 

I was doing more research and it said 3-6 months to stop seeing weight gain. I REALLY don't want to keep gaining, no matter how slowly, for a few more months! So, starting tomorrow I'm more strict on the diet. Seriously. I know I keep telling myself that but I think this is where the old idea of a new resolution every week comes in. I'm no longer allowed to buy processed sugar or dairy. I can finish what I have, I can eat it at Jon's, but I'm not buying it again. 

Then I also read a little about intermittent fasting? I think I need to do more research and then try it out when my schedule goes back to more normal. 

I just need a win... I'd take any one of the following: pants buttoning, back under 175, and/or more definition. 

On the definition note, did you know there is a rather large muscle on your shin? I found mine this weekend. Now if only I could get more defined calves and thighs....

Some Changes

So after completing my body measurements again this morning and seeing NO change... That's right... none, I contemplated a lot. (I actually started this last night after my workout since I know I am not seeing the change I want.)

Diet. 

Diet is supposed to be a huge part of weight loss and seeing physical change. I get that, I know that. In 2013 I had an ALCAT test done to test for food sensitivities. Once I stuck tot he diet I easily dropped 10-15 lbs. Just from diet! I wasn't getting a lot of exercise in those days... I know foods that are on my "no-no" list add to my weight. So much in fact that I know eating certain foods will make my pants unbuttonable (except right now all the dress pants are and jeans ain't pretty) and a few days of back on the diet works. 

Exercise. 

I found that as long as I stuck to the diet I could modify my weight about 5lbs-ish with exercise. After periods of no exercise I could drop 3-5lbs easily. Yeah, yeah, I know water weight.. but I could keep it off if I keep it up. 

So that's where Crossfit came in. Holidays came. I cheated on my diet. I ate a lot of things that weren't on the approved foods list and I paid for it. I also stopped taking birth control. I wanted to see what my body would do if I stopped. That and the one my new insurance covered would lead to spotting every time I took the pill even a hour off schedule. Sorry, I'm not going to be tied down to something like that just to avoid cramps. So I KNOW my hormones were crazy. After realizing I couldn't kick the weight and my hormones may have something to do with this I went to see an acupuncturist. Crazy right?! 

Well, it helped. My moods leveled out. I felt more calm. I handle stress better (most days) now. Overall I am just happier. I'm sure other life factors play a role, but it helped. But the weight came back, all 5 lbs I lost. I had also started drinking more water. There is an app Plant Nanny that I use and grow adorable plants by watering them as I drink water. It is adorable. I use it to make sure I drink enough. Dating a guy who drinks gallons a day... literally... like 4 gallons is his average... also helps. But, still not helping. 

It doesn't matter if I stick to my diet or cheat, drink lots or not, exercise or not. I can't kick this weight! So I figure I need a new workout routine. One that will kick my butt. That's why I picked Crossfit. I didn't do it because it was supposed to be easy. 

Now I'm on week 4 of Crossfit and I'm not seeing any changes. I did and then I gained it all back. I'm feeling changes. I know I'm getting stronger. I know there are muscles building. But I'm not showing those results. I'm not showing them on the scale. I'm not showing them with a tape measure. And unless you squeeze my legs, I'm not showing them on my body either. How am I supposed to reach my goals if nothing is changing? 

So I thought and thought. Here are some things I have thought of that I'm going to do: 

No more being lazy. I wake up at 5:00am for Crossfit at 5:30. I get home from Crossfit at about 6:45 ish and can still shower, eat, and all that and still get to school on time. So, the alarm is getting set for 5;00 everyday and I'm going to use the treadmill and at least walk, or take the dog for a walk, or jog, or something active for a minimum of 30 min in the mornings. Burn more calories. Plus, it will help with the next idea. 

Fasting. Years ago I used to read a blog, I Miss My Collar Bone, and she mentioned fasting. That's one thing I remember standing out and helped her to boost weight loss. (Somehow I failed to realize she was also doing Crossfit and Paleo eating... I don't remember any of that!) I started doing more research. There is a lot of good things to be said about it... hormone leveling, weight loss, fat loss, increased workout skills, etc. There are some negatives to watch out for too so I will be paying close attention to my body for sure. But, I feel like it might be something to try as mornings when I work out I'm not hungry when I need to be eating breakfast and typically force myself to eat something so I won't be hungry later. To start with I'm going to try just not forcing myself to eat breakfast if I'm not hungry. Then I can't eat lunch until lunch time at school so maybe I will be able to do this? It is worth a shot. And I promise.... I will stop if I feel dizzy, sick, have trouble thinking, etc. 

Paleo. Well, at least more paleo. I already skip the gluten. Since going to acupuncture I have also backed off on the dairy. Mostly now I just eat cheese on stuff and ice cream once in awhile. So, now we are going to eat what is left and then no more buying the stuff. No more dairy. No more cheese. No more processed sugar. No more grains. No more foods on the naughty list. If we want to see results then we need to get serious. 

We will give this a week to see if there are any changes. If no signs of anything then I will probably set another appointment for acupuncture to see if that can help. If there still are no changes then I'm going to see about getting the ALCAT done again this summer. 

Box Jumps and 95 lb Dead Lifts

Today was a win. I needed a win. I got it!

During the warm up we were supposed to do box jumps. I know I can make it on the box. I know I can do it. Just somehow when I go to move I freak myself out! Even after I grabbed a weight to use as a little booster I just couldn't jump. One of the guys watching mentioned stepping into the jump. So step then hop up on the box. That was more hilarious than me trying without the step. Then I figured out that if I hopped onto the weight on the floor then I could do the jump onto the box. So there I was... bunny hopping into my box jumps. After about half of them I could do it from standing on the weight. No step, no hop, just a jump.

Then we did 5x5 dead lifts. I went all the way up to 95 lbs! I probably could have done 100 but figured we still had the workout and I didn't want to push it THAT far. That's exciting though. I'm almost in the triple digits for weight on something!

Then came the push-ups. Did I mention I face-planted my first few push-ups? Well, today I did THREE, chest to floor, full on push-ups in the warming up part. Then came the workout.
Today was:  400 m run, 25 push-ups, 25 hang power cleans.

Coach did allow me to decrease the weight for the cleans but only cut the push-ups down to 10. They were a struggle but I did manage to finish in 19:49! You also realize how great you are at running (although I'm still slow) when the 400 m run becomes your time to catch your breath.

So today I can honestly say... I was way better than yesterday.