My mom came to visit.
A long time ago, like 5 years ago, I learned that no matter what I'll never make my mom happy. Mom will always have something to say. She will be disappointed. I will be a horrible daughter some how. I can't control that. I can't control her and how she treats me. What I can control is me, how I treat her, and living far away from her so I don't have to deal with her on a regular basis.
Now, don't get me wrong, I respect my mom. She has done a lot. She has taught me quite a few things in life. There are many good qualities about my mom. I recognize that. I will acknowledge that. But, when we spend time together in close quarters I am reminded of all the things she likes to say.
I have begun to call them Momisms.
Momism from this evening: You're not supposed to work out every day. You're supposed to give your muscles a break.
Yes, true, I worked mostly arms today so my run tomorrow should be fine. Heaven forbid I be in shape and can actually do physical activity daily?
Momism from Monday: You and your fiance are old enough and set in your ways enough that you're going to struggle.
Really? Wow. Thanks for that vote of confidence. We rather seem to like each other, know how to discuss things, and often think a like already. Yeah we know it won't all be sunshine and roses, but we will work through them. I like to think we are older, more mature, and ready to be in a marriage because of this, not doomed.
Momism from last week while taking the dog for her morning walk after my run: (I gotta give you the whole conversation...)
Mom: So when you go to Crossfit is there a coach?
Me: Yep, that's how Crossfit works. There is a coach to help you with all the stuff we do and the workout.
Mom: Oh, well when your sister and her husband go they go for a WHOLE HOUR.
Me: Yep, I go 5:30 to 6:30. That's an hour.
Mom: Well, when they go it is NON-STOP for an hour. They are constantly doing something the WHOLE TIME.
Me: Yep, that's Crossfit.
Cause my Crossfit is so much more inferior to the Crossfit my sister (her fave) hasn't done in almost two years?
Momism from last week, the day after the one just listed and on our walk again: (again, you need the convo)
Me: My butt hurts. We did a lot today at Crossfit so walking is a little difficult this morning.
Mom: (something not so memorable)
Me: I made your sister laugh when we were dress shopping. My sister kept picking dresses that were way too small and your sister was the only one paying attention to me. In one of them I told her that at least my butt looked good and flexed it causing her to laugh. Nobody else saw it.
Mom: Well you look like a sausage in the wedding dress you bought too.
Yep. That's my mom. That's one of those things that nobody should ever say to anyone, ESPECIALLY their daughter. This is the one that takes the cake for this visit! Mind you, this is followed a week later by implying that I workout too much. Which is it? Am I fat or do I workout too much? No mention of the 25 lbs I've lost since the last time I saw her. Nope. This is my mom. Yet I will still respect her. I will still be polite, as much as possible, and cook for her and take care of her while she is here. I will still be concerned for her and try to help her out. But at the end of the day when she says something about how I'm not the greatest of daughters (comments have been made implying this in the past) she won't have any actual evidence. I will NOT give her the evidence of making her feel like she makes me feel with her comments. I cannot control her or her actions, but I can control mine.
Now, most think this would make me feel bad. I've learned not to listen to my mom. It has actually become a joke. I told someone about it and they said if I was a sausage then I must be a turkey sausage. I came back with "cause I'm so lean." So now I have a wedding dress which makes me a "lean turkey sausage."
What does upset me? Well, the fact that I lost my best friend when I pissed her off standing up for myself when I told her I too have issues with my body and don't like it. The ONE person who is ALWAYS supposed to have your back told me that I look like a sausage in my wedding dress. A dress Mom only saw a picture of me in, a dress she told me she didn't even want to see while she is here, and a dress that I LOVE and feel amazing in because I know I look amazing in it.
I know without a doubt I do NOT look like a sausage. Not even remotely. I don't even think I have the weird side boob/fat arm pits in this dress. I know I work hard to be where I am today in my fitness journey and to keep it going. I know that Mom can take her comment about not needing to worry about shrinking out of my clothes because I'm apparently going to get pregnant and gain it all right back and shove it. I'm changing my life for me and my future. I'm not losing weight for the wedding, I'm losing weight because it is healthier for me, helps me feel better, and I just like being active. This is a lifestyle change I'm working on and not a short term fix.
