"You don't know what it is like to not like how you look in front of others."
That is what I was told today.
Do you know how furious I was when I heard this?!
Am I 300 pounds? No. Am I 200 pounds? No. Have I ever been? No. Am I the weight I would like to be? No. Close to a healthy weight for my frame? No. Do I like how I look at the weight I am at now? NO!
How dare someone who knows I'm working my butt off so freaking hard to get back into pants that button stop and tell me I don't know what it is like to hate my body! I HATE MY BODY!
But hating my body changes nothing. Looking at pictures and pointing out every detail about my body that I hate changes nothing. Being afraid to step out and try something new changes nothing.
I work really hard to stay positive. I look at my calves and am excited they are solid muscle! I don't focus on the fact that my calf is larger than my neck... I walk by windows/mirrors and admire the definition coming in my calves! I don't focus on the fact that every pair of shorts (minus the latest pair) are so tight on my thighs they cut in a little. I put my hands on my hips and I notice my stomach and sides are getting more firm. I don't focus on the fact that I can't button any pants I could fit last summer/fall and this is where my most fat is. If I did, I would be curled up in a ball crying for weeks! I would eat a crap load of ice cream WITH chocolate sauce.
Instead I focus on the positives. I push myself. I step out of my comfort zone. I work my butt off. I get up and work out at 5:30 am on my summer off. I question every time I eat dessert. I think of alternative things to buy other than sweets/bad food. I suffer! But I know... nothing is going to change without me changing it!!! Doing the same thing, living the same lifestyle is how I got here... it isn't how I get back to a healthier me.
Also, this comes from someone who I know struggles with her weight. She hasn't done anything about it all year and I know she isn't happy with her weight. This morning when I got dressed I put on shorts that are short and show off the legs I've worked so hard to get! Then took them off and went for the longer shorts that aren't so flattering but fit looser (the new ones) so that I wouldn't make her feel bad because I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO HATE YOUR BODY!!!!!
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